


As Far as You and Me (I've Never Had a Choice)

by keishn



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Pining, Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-10-29 03:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17800373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keishn/pseuds/keishn
Summary: "I've always been in love with Riku."It's a lie, of course, to keep up this charade. Riku knows that this is a lie, that Sora's saying it knowing that there's 10,000 munny on the line. So why does a warm feeling blossom in his chest?After stumbling across a university bulletin board flyer for a paid study about romantic couples, Sora comes up with a foolproof idea. Step 1: Ask Riku— his lifelong best friend, current roommate, and (maybe, possibly) long-term unrequited crush— to be his fake boyfriend. Step 2: ????? Step 3: Profit. What could possibly go wrong?





	1. Foolproof

**Author's Note:**

> ... _and they were roommates_ , i got the idea for this fic from [this](https://66.media.tumblr.com/63cbf2bf3c492f488f7fb9902baf4d30/tumblr_o34qaexZD71r5eua4o1_1280.jpg)
> 
> title song: [bones - galantis ft. onerepublic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRtLtllkgjE)

"Tell me again," Riku says because he can't quite believe the words that have just left his best friend's mouth.

He's sitting at the table with a spoonful of whole-wheat, honey-flavored cereal halfway to his mouth. Across from him, Sora blinks and tilts his head, and then leans over to sift through loose papers in his backpack. Riku sets the spoon back in the bowl without taking a bite and watches as Sora pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, unfurls it, sets it face up on the table, and pushes it toward him.

It's almost like Sora's just been waiting for the right moment to pounce with this proposition, and, of course, Sora knows that early mornings are the only time Riku's _completely_ off his game. He's more likely to agree to anything Sora says if only to get him to shut up for a moment.

It's not that Sora's annoying. He's not. Except when he wants to be.

Riku glares at the offending piece of paper that Sora's presented. It's an advertisement for a study that Sora found in the hallway of the psychology building after one of his classes. Probably the gen ed he's taking; Riku can't think of another reason a kinesiology major would be in the psych building. Then again, Riku has only an inkling of an idea about what Sora's major actually entails beyond 'labs' that are really just gym classes.

Whatever the reason he was in Traverse Hall, Sora's finding this piece of paper now on the table between them is also the reason Riku has just heard from Sora that they should pretend to be a couple.

"We have to be living together, which we are, and it's up to 10,000 munny." None of that was the part Riku was asking for clarification about. Sora either doesn't realize that or willfully ignores it. "We could get a PlayPlus with that! No... We could get _two_ PlayPlus systems with that munny."

It's too early in the morning for this. All the windows are open and the sky isn't even blue yet, really. There's still a tinge of pink like the sun has decided to get out bed and got as far as throwing its sheets off but hasn't quite mustered the energy to move any further than that. Okay, maybe Riku's projecting a little bit. He, also, would like to get back in bed. Sora's scheming is only proof he shouldn't have bothered getting up.

Riku hums, but he doesn't make any indication one way or the other. He should say no. He knows that's what he should say but part of him is actually  _tempted_ to say yes. 

"Oh, _come on,_ Riku. I know you've been wanting to play Verum Rex since it came out."

Riku looks down at the piece of paper. Other than just being completely creased in all different angles, it's torn slightly in two places at the top. He narrows his eyes, shakes his head, then looks up at Sora.

"Did you steal this off a bulletin board?" he asks.

Sora shrugs, but his face gives him away. He looks proud of himself.

Riku rolls his eyes but lets out a small chuckle nonetheless. He supposes it'd be hard for any other roommates to try to participate in the study if they didn't see the posted flyer in the hallway of Traverse Hall. He looks down at the flyer again.

_Radiant Gardens University, Department of Psychology_

**_PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY!!!!!!_ **

_You and your partner are eligible to participate if you_

  * _Are in a committed, monogamous, romantic relationship_


  * _Have been dating for at least six months_


  * _Are currently living together_


  * _Are both over the age of 18_



It goes on, but he skims through the rest of it only really half paying attention to what any of it says. Regularly meeting with the grad student running the study for their thesis twice a week. 10,000 munny in reward for sticking through the whole semester. Proof of living arrangments. Interestingly enough it doesn't require proof of a romantic relationship because, well, only idiots would try to fake that.

"So," Riku says, looking up at Sora, eyebrow raised, "you want us to pretend we're in a committed, monogamous, romantic relationship, and tell a psychology grad student— who studies _psychology_ —  all about that fabricated relationship." He tilts his head. "I dunno, Sora, something tells me a person who studies human behavior is probably going to figure us out." 

As far as ideas go, Sora's had worse. Bringing a stray dog back to their apartment that did not allow pets comes to mind. The carpeting still hasn't recovered from that.

"It's _10,000_ munny, Riku. We could get a new PlayPlus with that!"

"You already said that," Riku says. He looks back down at the paper, and then back up at Sora. Is his best friend an idiot? Well, yes. But Riku's known that for years. More importantly, is Riku enough of an idiot to agree to this? "Isn't this like? Falsifying research or something?"

" _Research smee-search,_ " Sora says, dismissively. "Besides, we've known each long enough that we're probably a better base than most actual couples. We'll just— _pretend_ to be together for the meetings with the researcher or whatever, so they're not falsifying anything." He tilts his head and blinks. "What is it like once a week?"

"Twice a week," Riku says, reading it off the flyer.

"Yeah, so what do we have to do? Just hold hands and talk like we sleep in the same bed? Easy peasy. I already know you're the type of person to hog all the covers."

"No way," Riku disagrees, " _you're_ the type of person who would hog all the covers."

Sora pouts.

"I'm not taking that back," Riku says, "you know its true."

Sora lets out a long exhale. Dramatically, he falls forward, tucking his head near his legs before straightening back up and saying, "Alright. I'm the cover stealer. But I get to be the one who decides how we got together if they ask us."

Riku rolls his eyes, if Sora wants to give himself more work, he can gladly take it. "Fine."

"So you're in?" Sora asks with a wide grin.

10,000 munny isn't just something to scoff at. And Sora's right; the two of them know each other better than a lot of actual couples out there. How hard could it be to pretend they're dating for someone who doesn't know otherwise?

He lets out an annoyed exhale at himself, but he nods. "I'm in."

"Awesome!" Sora punches the air above him with a fist like this is a well-earned victory.

He's not far off; Riku does at least usually  _try_ to resist these schemes of Sora's. Granted, most of the time they don't involve a potential 10,000 munny net gain. What's the worst that could happen? The figures them out and they're kicked out of the study—  _boo-hoo—_  and they've just spent a few hours of their lives on a failed plan that Riku could have spent doing something else equally unimportant. Low risk, high reward. Riku's not an idiot. Maybe Sora's not actually an idiot either. 

"The second anything looks like it's taking a wrong turn, though, I'm out." 

"It's fine," Sora says with a bright smile. "There's nothing that _can_ go wrong. It's foolproof!"

#

Traverse Hall, home of the psychology, sociology, and anthropology departments, is not a hall that Riku's all too familiar with. He's been putting off that pesky psych gen ed— the one that Sora's currently in— so it's no surprise when, after walking halfway across campus from the math building, he gets turned around a few times in the (in his opinion, unnecessarily confusing and identical) hallways with fluorescent ceiling lights reflecting off white tile floors before finally finding the room number they were told to show up at.

He pushes open the door and finds the set up almost like a waiting room in a doctor's office. Sora's already here and he's grinning and chattering excitedly to the blonde-haired guy next to him. It takes Riku a moment to recognize Roxas, Sora's cousin, and…

Oh, crap. If Roxas is here, of course, his boyfriend is, too. Axel. Axel who's a (Riku isn't sure what year Axel is, but he has to be at least twenty-four, so he must be a super-senior) chemistry major. There's overlap in their academic circles. Enough that, if Axel thinks Riku and Sora are dating, then Riku better start referring to Sora as his boyfriend in the astronomy computer lab and the physics study lounge. 

What's the worst that could happen? 

Doing his best to not let his miniature anxiety spiral show on his face, Riku sits next to Sora and presses his palms into his knees. "So…" he says, "you guys must be here for the study?"

Roxas grins, and there's a glint in his eyes like he knows something Riku doesn't. His eyebrows are raised slightly in a half-grin, half-smirk.  "Yeah. Didn't know you guys were dating, though I guess it was kind of obvious all this time."

"All this time…?" Riku repeats, furrowing his brow.

At this, Axel drops the hand holding his phone and looks over at Riku and Sora. He doesn't say anything at first, just poorly stifles a laugh. "Yeah," Axel says. He shakes his head and nudges Roxas with his elbow. "Wish I had made a bet with you back then. You'd owe me so much sea salt ice cream right now." 

"What," Riku says.

Axel opens his mouth, but before he can get whatever it is out of his throat, a door swings open and a man a little older than them walks through it. He's wearing a gray sweater over a white button-up and khakis. It's a little overdressed for the campus, but the lavender cravat really is overdoing it, in Riku's opinion. Actually, he might not be older than Axel, but from the looks of it, he isn't an undergrad anyway.

"You must be the couples for the study," he says, "Well, some of them. I have two couples scheduled every night of the week, except Saturday."  He waits as if he expects them to confirm this, so all four of them just nod.

Sora grabs at Riku's hand, misses, and awkwardly holds onto his thigh like this proves it or something. Riku glances at Sora, trying to ask with his eyes what he thinks he's doing. Real couples aren't constantly touching one another, are they? Not more than six months in. Then again, Riku hasn't had a long-term relationship since... ever. A few one-night to two-week hookups his freshman year at RGU definitely don't count.

"Axel and Roxas..."  The man hesitates, and either Roxas or Axel must indicate who he should be looking at in some way because he nods at them before continuing. "You're scheduled for Wednesdays and Fridays. Sora and Riku—" he glances over to them "—are scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays." He pauses as if he wants them to confirm so Riku nods. 

"I am Ienzo," the man finally introduces himself.

Riku recognizes the name from the scheduling e-mails exchanged between Sora and the researcher that Riku was cc'd on. So this is the man who's going to be studying them. Maybe his ridiculous bangs will keep him from noticing Sora and Riku's relationship is a sham, fabricated for the sole purpose of gaining 10,000 munny off an unsuspecting researcher of a study.

Riku also notices that Ienzo's speech is awkwardly formal. Figures they'd end up having to deal with some pretentious asshole all semester.

"I am a graduate student here in the psychology department. My official dissertation isn't due for another couple semesters, but this is the semester they want us to start doing some of the groundwork. This is more of a trial study than anything else, just to see if this sort of thing is worth studying and to make sure I can stay interested in it for the remainder of my graduate schooling. Though, depending on what happens in over the next few months, I may end up including you all anecdotally.

"Let's go over the ground rules, shall we?  Next time you're here, I'm going to need to see some kind of proof that you're living together if you haven't brought it today. A signed lease, or a roommate agreement with other roommates including both your signatures, that sort of thing. The best thing that you can all do for me from week-to-week is to answer questions as honestly as possible. Some of the interviews will be conducted with both of you together, and other times it will be one-on-one. Right now I'm just sort of trying to get a feel for the best way to gather my data from you all.

"As for today, my main goal is to just get a feel for how you operate as couples and to learn a little bit about the history of your relationships. So, did you all fill out the forms I e-mailed you?"

All four of them look for the forms in their backpacks and then hand them over to Ienzo. He glances at each one as he takes it, and then checks to make sure all the initials and signatures and dates are in the proper place, and he says each of their names in turn after reading it. He pauses at Sora, who grins widely at him. Riku tries his best not to laugh. Sora did always have horrendous handwriting.

"Alright," he says, "Which of you would like to come first?"

Sora bounces up excitedly, raising his hand, and grabbing Riku's in his other and raising his, too. "Ooh pick us!"

"All right," Ienzo says, "follow me."

Sora does not let go of Riku's hand when they stand up, which is almost an annoyance because Sora's palm is sweating.   _Just think of the 10,000 munny,_ Riku reminds himself. Besides, it's not like he and Sora have never held hands before.

In the next room is a desk with a computer, a few textbooks piled on it, and notepad set just in front of the office chair behind it. Ienzo sits in the office chair and tells Sora and Riku to each take one of the chairs in front of them. "It's technically my research advisor's office," Ienzo says, "but he and I both agreed it was the best place to conduct interviews." 

"Which chair do you want, babe?" Sora asks.

Riku could kill him. He's laying it on a little too thick. They could act exactly as they always do and Ienzo would probably think nothing of it. At the very least it would be obviously more natural. He settles for crushing Sora's hand in his own. "Doesn't matter to me," he says, trying his best not to grit his teeth or give anything away. "Let's just sit." 

The two chairs on the other side of the desk are spaced just far enough apart that continuing to hold hands would take an awkward amount of effort. Riku lets go, slightly relieved for the excuse to do so. Do real couples hold hands that much anyway? He doesn't know. He guesses he probably has to start paying more attention to stuff like that. Truthfully, any couple involving Sora probably would be constantly holding hands. Riku doesn't think that, even if he really tried his best, he could find someone more touchy-feely than Sora. After all, even though they're not really dating outside of for the purposes of this study, Sora has never had a problem casually touching Riku. Normally it's just a brush of his shoulders or leaning against him when he's tired.

But it feels remarkably different when Riku knows it's for show.

"So," Ienzo says, after they've settled into their chairs, "walk me through your basically average day with one another."

Riku remains silent, only out of spite for Sora's enthusiasm with this whole thing and his sweaty palm. It's almost like he wanted to make it as obvious as possible that they're not a real couple. He feels almost like a space alien pretending to be a human. 

"Well," Sora says, "I get up at about six thirty every morning. And then I turn the shower on—"

"You're free to interpret the questions how you want," Ienzo interrupts, holding one of his hands up, "but I meant more about how the two of you interact together. Do you usually eat together, or do you go to bed at the same time, or— whatever it is the two of you do together, that's what I want to hear about."

"Oh," Sora says.  He taps his chin. "Well, we do eat together a lot. Yesterday, Riku ate breakfast and I just sort of sat at the table because I had already eaten. I'd been up for _hours._ " He leans forward, gripping the wooden arms of the chair, and stresses the word hours like it's some kind difficulty that he reluctantly puts up with.  "It's always so boring before Riku wakes up."

Riku scoffs. "It's not my job to keep you entertained every second of the day."

Ienzo looks between them then writes something in his notepad.

"As much as I would love to be able to do that," Riku tacks on.

Sora grins.

"So how long have the two of you been together?"

"Eight months," Riku says, coming up with a random number— one that isn't an obvious fabrication.

But at the same time, Sora also answers, says, "A year."

Ienzo raises an eyebrow. They've already blown their cover. Riku glances at Sora, and then only speaks when he's sure Sora isn't going to say something first. It's lucky that they know each other well enough to be able to anticipate with a single glance what the other might do.

"Well, it's only been _official_ for eight months," Riku says.

He really should have just left all the talking to Sora, but now that he's opened his mouth, Ienzo's eyes land on him, and he feels like he's being studied.  Then he remembers he _is_ being studied. That's the whole point. He wishes he could read minds. What is Ienzo thinking about them in this moment? What's the right answer? 

"Interesting," Ienzo says, "Then why is it that Sora says it's been a year?"

"Well," Riku starts, uncertain of exactly where he should go with this, "that's because a year ago—" He pauses, and he hopes he doesn't look as uncomfortable as he feels trying to ad-lib their fake relationship. They probably should have talked about all this ahead of time, to be prepared for these exact questions, but it's too late now. "uhh… A year ago was the first time we slept together."

He glances at Sora, who looks about as surprised hearing the words as Riku is saying them.

"It's okay," Ienzo says, holding up a hand, "there's no need to be embarrassed. We're going to be delving a bit more into detail about your sex life as a couple in the coming months, so it's best to just get used to having it out in the open sooner rather than later."

"We're _what?"_ Sora asks.

"Well," Ienzo says, "Not excruciating detail. I don't need to know exactly what went where or anything like that. Mostly I'll be speaking to each of you about overall satisfaction, in what ways your habits have changed since the beginning of your relationship and particularly since moving in together. Things like that."

Riku simultaneously wants to look at Sora and look anywhere _but_ at Sora.

"Anyway," Ienzo says, "the first time you had sex was a year ago. The two of you have been together 'officially'— to use the term you used—" Here he nods at Riku. "— for eight months. How long have you known each other?"

"Since forever," Sora answers.

"Oh?" Ienzo asks; the intonation in his voice begs an elaboration.

"We grew up in the same town," Riku offers.

Ienzo nods. "And you were friends before you came to RGU?"

"Best friends," Sora says with a wide grin.

Ienzo raises his eyebrows. He looks mildly surprised by this. God, they're already blowing their cover, aren't they? It hasn't even been twenty minutes alone with the guy.

"I see. What— if you don't mind sharing— led to the change in your dynamic?"  He must take their silence as their misunderstanding the question, and he asks a different one instead. "You'd been best friends, apparently for years, before…" he trails off and motions between them with his hand.

"Since we were kids!" Sora says, brightly.

"Right," Ienzo says, "So what I'm asking is, why all of a sudden? Or, I guess, the first time the two of you had sex, what had changed prior to that?"

Well, Sora had asked that he got to choose how they ended up together. Riku chances a glance in his direction. His brows are pulled together, eyes narrowed in concentration. He's trying far too hard with this, Ienzo will never believe whatever it is he says.

"Nothing," Sora says finally, relaxing back into his chair, "Well, not for me, anyway. I've always been in love with Riku."

It's a lie, of course, to keep up this charade. Riku _knows_ that this is a lie, that Sora's saying it knowing that there's 10,000 munny on the line. So why does a warm feeling blossom in his chest? It's _not real_ , and Riku's crush on Sora has been gone for years now, and there's no way Sora ever felt that for him. This is going to be more difficult than Riku thought.

"And for you, Riku?" Ienzo asks, focusing his gaze on Riku. He tilts his head. "I take it from your face that Sora's never told you that before."

"I—" he starts, but then his brain freezes.

He needs to breathe. How does he breathe? Sora's looking at him too now, and, really, Riku needs no one to be looking at him at all. He stands up, too quickly, the chair he was in falling back to the floor. He looks at Sora.

"You—"

" _Riku,_ " Sora says, somehow his voice sounds both sweet and laced with warning.

Riku takes a breath. And another. He shakes his head, looks at Ienzo. "Uh— Sorry about that." He bends over and pulls the chair back up by its back. "I don't know why—"

"Don't worry about it. It sounds like you have a lot to process. We'll pick this back up on Tuesday. I think we've left Axel and Roxas waiting for long enough, anyway. You can send them in on your way out. Have a good weekend."

#

It's dark outside by the time they exit the front door of Traverse Hall. A few stars dot the sky, not nearly as many as back in Destiny, but Riku's almost more used to the sky over Radiant Gardens than he is over the place he grew up. For almost three years now he's lived here. Cold mid-January air lingers around Riku, though his jacket keeps him mostly insulated. His ears and his nose, however, are suffering. It doesn't help that "winter" is more a loose term than a harsh reality back in Destiny, though he likes to think he's toughened up a bit the past few years.

Neither of them has spoken by the time they reach the edge of campus grounds. Their apartment is off-campus, only a few blocks away. About a fifteen minute walk from this corner of campus. He's not even quite sure what there is to say. He wants to ask Sora why he said what he did in that room, but he knows it was simply to feed a believable lie to Ienzo in answer to his posed question. What had changed between them? Nothing. That was true. Nothing had changed and they hadn't ever slept together. 

So why is Sora's answer tripping him up like this?

"Don't be mad?" Sora says— or asks, but it's not really a question when he uses that puppy dog expression. It's totally unfair. Sora knows it, too, and he knows exactly when to pull it out.

"Why would I be mad?" Riku asks.

"I don't know," Sora says, " _You're_ the one who told him we slept together."

"He was bound to think it anyway if he thinks we're dating and living together."

"And yet you freaked out when—"

"That's different," Riku insists. "People can sleep together without—"

Sora stops in his tracks, turns to face Riku, and puts his hands on his hips, tilts his head. "Without?"

"Without feelings!" Okay, so maybe he's a little frustrated.

Sora starts walking again so abruptly that it takes Riku's feet a moment to start moving again.

"Well, Ienzo clearly didn't think so," Sora says, "At least not in the circumstances we gave him. Did you see the look on his face? I mean, who just sleeps with their best friend since childhood out of the blue? People don't _do_ that, Riku. And to sleep together and then end up dating and living together? Come on. What happened in that room is as much on you as it is on me. What was I supposed to say?"

"I don't know," Riku says, "that we were drunk or something? Or that the feelings came out of nowhere? I don't know. Anything except _that._ "

Sora doesn't say anything to that, and after a moment Riku chances a glance at him. He's frowning. Riku lets out an exhale. He doesn't like seeing Sora upset, and really, Riku has no real reason to be upset anyway. This is a total overreaction. They're faking a relationship. Sora in love with him since childhood is about as believable as any other explanation, right? 

"Hey," Riku says, bumping their shoulders together. He doesn't like seeing Sora upset by anything, especially not by Riku himself over something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn't a big deal. "I'm sorry I'm an asshole. You just surprised me back there, that's all."

Sora laughs, back to normal without warning, and then he grins at Riku. " _Man,_ you should have seen the look on your face. It was like you'd just seen a monster!"

"No need to rub it in," Riku says, rolling his eyes lightly.

There's another moment of silence, far more comfortable than the last, and then, suddenly, Riku remembers something. He looks at Sora, eyes wide. He's almost afraid to hear the answer to the question he's about to ask.

"What exactly did you say to Roxas and Axel?"

Sora shrugs, "Nothing, really. Roxas just asked if I was there for the study too, and I said yes, and then they asked who it was that I was there with, and then you walked in."

"So your cousin and his…  boyfriend?" Riku says, "think that you and I are together and in fact have been dating for a while but just never bothered to tell them."

Sora shrugs.

" _So-ra,_ " Riku says, exaggerating his name dramatically, "Are we going to have to pretend to be dating in front of them every time we run into one of them?"

Sora puts his hands behind his neck and looks up at the sky as they walk along the sidewalk. "Maybe," he says.

He doesn't seem particularly worried. Riku's a little jealous of how carefree Sora is sometimes. It's a trait he wishes he could have, but instead he's always thinking too much about everything that could go wrong which is… well, everything, all the time.

But  _everything_ wouldn't be so many things if it really were just the study. Riku hadn't expected them to run into people they know— Sora's own _cousin_ — and, now, there are so many other variables. Messy variables. If they want the 10,000 munny, they can't really risk being ratted out by Axel and Roxas. Neither of them seems like a snitch, but 10,000 munny is a lot. Enough to make Riku agree to this whole idea in the first place. It's enough to make people change their behavior, maybe that's the real conclusion Ienzo will come up with. Nothing's falsified, everyone's happy, no harm no foul.

Still, maybe they should just pull out of the study now before things get too out of hand.

"Then what do we tell them when the study's over?"

"Huh?" Sora asks, glancing over for a short second.

"This is only supposed to be for a semester," Riku says, "and it was only supposed to be for Ienzo and no one else, but if your cousin thinks we're together—"

" _Riku,_ " Sora interrupts. He stops walking and grabs Riku by his shoulders.  "We'll just tell them the truth."

Riku looks down at Sora for a moment. In the dark, his eyes aren't so blue, but something about the street lamps casting shadows over Sora's face messes with Riku's head. Between that and all of the mess with the study, for a moment, Riku wants to kiss him. That doesn't make any sense though. He shakes the thought away and lets out a long exhale and then nods.

"Okay," he says, "okay."

He hopes it really will be that simple. What Sora's willing to lie to Roxas about isn't really Riku's concern anyway. At most this will just be a  _minor_ inconvenience. Right? They'll get through the study, and at the end of the semester tell Roxas and Axel the truth. It was all a sham, Riku and Sora had never been dating, who would've believed that anyway? Then again, Axel and Roxas had both bought the lie without question. 

Sora studies him, his whole face drawing into itself for a moment, and then he seems satisfied. He nods and steps back away.  "We better get back," he says, grinning like this entire conversation didn't just happen. "Don't want to keep Kairi waiting."

#

Kairi's already in their apartment when they get back. She has a key, even though she doesn't live there, and she's already started without them from the looks of it. She's wrapped up in a blanket, a red fleece throw blanket stolen from Sora's room by the looks of it, and sitting with her feet up on their couch, tucked somewhere under the blanket. She puts down the open bottle of pink wine that she's been. It's stuff Riku's seen her drink before, and he'd stolen a sip once just to try it. He's not sure how that sugary, candy-flavored stuff even counts as wine. The sugar had stuck to the back of his throat all night. 

"Hey, guys! How was research, Riku?"

It takes him a moment to remember that he told her he had to get his research hours done, and that she's not asking about the study in which he and Sora are pretending to be a couple. He's about to come up with a fake answer, but to his horror, Sora does it first.

"Riku told him we slept together."

Kairi blinks, looks at her bottle of wine, looks back at them, and then picks the bottle up and takes a long drink from it. When she finishes, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and then says, "What?"

She's looking at Riku, not at Sora, so he supposes that he has to answer.

He lets out a long exhale and then says. "So, I wasn't in the astronomy lab. Sora and I are—"

"— Dating," Sora finishes.

" _Fake_ dating. For a study." Riku amends Sora's impulsive statement before she has time to react.

Sora can tell his own cousin whatever he wants, but Riku draws the line at lying to _Kairi_ , of all people. She'd be able to sniff their lie out in ten seconds flat. Surely, if they were dating, she'd be the first to know. Hell, she'd probably know if Riku and Sora really were dating before Riku himself.

" _What?_ " Kairi asks again. She stands up, lets the blanket fall off her shoulders, but she stays holding onto the bottle of wine. " _So-ra,_ " she says, carefully, drawing his name out, "can I talk to you for a minute." It's not a question. " _Alone?_ "

Sora looks confused by this request, but he complies, letting Kairi follow him into his room. She doesn't bother to acknowledge Riku as she shuts the door behind them.

Riku's confused. He drops his stuff off in his room as he wonders what she could possibly have to say to Sora that she wouldn't say in front of him, too. If she's going to tell Sora it's a stupid idea then Riku should probably hear it too. Honestly, his own willingness to continue this whole charade despite the fact that Axel and Roxas now apparently are part of the people they're trying to fool now is appalling, even to him. He can hear their voices through the thin apartment walls, but can't make out the words. It sounds like they're almost _arguing_ , but Riku has no idea about what.

Or maybe the argument isn't about their plan to get 10,000 munny being stupid at all. It could be something else entirely, something that's always been the elephant in the room when the three of them are together. He'd always expected Sora and Kairi to end up together or something. Maybe not permanently, but it made sense that it would happen at some point. Maybe it had and they'd never told him. Maybe it was happening right now and they never told him. Why wouldn't they tell him? He hopes this whole stupid fake dating plan isn't getting in the way of whatever's going on there. He does hope that, right? Or maybe— 

He needs a drink.

In the kitchen, he cracks open a 2-liter of Sprite from a cabinet under the counter and pulls out a bottle of raspberry vodka from the freezer. He pours more vodka than he probably should into a glass before adding the Sprite, but he figures he has to catch up with Kairi, anyway. And really, she's so much smaller than him, that this will probably only get him halfway to where she is.

He takes a seat on the couch leaning against the arm, drink in one hand, phone in the other.

Sora and Kairi finally come out of Sora's room, and Kairi walks back to the couch, tilting the rim of the bottle of wine into her mouth and taking a sip— well, more of a gulp— from it before settling next to Riku on the couch and placing the bottle on the coffee table in front of her.

Riku glances to where Sora is in the kitchen, with his head in the fridge, rummaging around for something.

Kairi clears her throat, and Riku looks back to her.

"Riku," she says, in a voice low enough that Sora can't hear her, even though the kitchen's only feet away and the only thing separating it from the living area is a counter, "I love you, but how the hell could you go along with this?"

He blinks, taken aback by how she didn't even attempt to beat around the bush. It's amazing how alcohol changes her.

Riku's not exactly sure what to say. He's not even entirely sure why he agreed to this, except that, well, "Ten thousand munny—"

She exhales through her mouth, loudly enough to cut Riku off.

"Look," he says, "I didn't expect them to ask much detail about the relationship, okay? If I had known that _and_ that we were going to run into Roxas and Axel I would never have agreed to it. I figured we'd just, I don't know, make up some vague details about our lives and then they'd ask us to do specific things and then tell them whatever the results were. I don't know."

Kairi's silent for a moment. "You know," she says, "for someone so smart, you're really an idiot."

Sora comes back into the room, a glass full of juice that's probably mixed with the same vodka in Riku's Sprite. He jumps onto the couch, taking the opposite arm, on the other side of Kairi, and spilling part of his juice (Thank God it's dark fabric, Riku thinks) and says, "Movie night!" with far more enthusiasm than Riku feels after his talk with Kairi.

#

Riku opens his eyes. His neck hurts and it's way too bright in here for his headache. The sun's barely up, but its rays are aimed straight at the windows of the living room of the apartment, apparently. His arm's thrown over the couch, hand against the carpet, and to make things even more uncomfortable, he's not the only person on here; someone is next to him, and one of their joints is poking into his side.

He lifts his head ( _fuck, his neck_ ) and groans when he catches sight of the time. Riku has never had the desire to wake up before seven in the morning, and especially not on a weekend.

He pulls his other arm from where it's stuck, but it won't budge, and he glances over to see Sora sleeping soundly, not realizing he's unwittingly trapped his best friend. His eyes don't open. Riku tries to pull his arm out again. Nothing. Of course, the one time Riku is the first to wake up in the apartment, Sora's entirely stolen one of his limbs.

It must be the alcohol from last night, otherwise, Sora should be almost up right around now.

After a few more tries Sora stirs, but he doesn't bother to open his eyes. "Hmm?"

"My arm," Riku says, voice barely louder than a whisper. He tries to pull his arm from underneath Sora once more.

"Oh—" Sora hums sleepily. He shifts his weight enough that Riku manages to free his arm.

Riku sighs, relieved to finally have his arm back, and he's about to find the resolve to stand up so he can walk the ten feet to his bedroom and fall back asleep in his own bed, but then there's an arm and a leg over him, and Sora's chin is tucked against Riku's shoulder. He's even lightly snoring.

Barely shifting his head so his gaze can find Sora, Riku narrows his eyes. How did he fall back asleep so fast?

Both of them are still in their clothes from last night, and Riku sees that Sora's feet are still sock-clad. Blearily, Riku reaches into his memory of last night. He remembers Kairi announcing she would be stealing Sora's bed after Sora fell asleep against her. Somehow, Sora'd ended up leaning against Riku after that, and for some reason, rather than just throw the blanket that Kairi had left on the couch over Sora and walk the _less than ten feet_ to his bedroom, Riku had just decided that this was the fate he'd accept. 

Well, there's certainly no way he's going to be able to get up _now_. He should have done it last night when he had the chance.

He wishes he could come up with more complaint about this current situation, but he fails. Instead, he kisses the top of Sora's head. He thinks he feels Sora's face nuzzle further against him, but he might just be imagining it. 

He closes his eyes and tries to fall back asleep, despite the stiff neck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my defense, i was wine drunk when i started writing this


	2. Cologne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > He's in love. It's probably the alcohol in his system that forms the thought because it's certainly not his coherent brain.

It's cold. That's the first thing Sora thinks when he wakes up. His second thought is not a thought, but an instinctual urge to find food as a growl from his stomach protests against how late in the morning it is compared to when he usually eats breakfast. He wants eggs; a whole dozen eggs scrambled and a pound of crispy sizzling hot bacon just for himself. He hums to himself at the thought and rubs the corners of his eyes with the knuckle of his index finger before opening them, only to close them again less than a second later because the light shining through the window blinds him. It's unlikely he'll fall back asleep.

Despite that, he tries to curl himself further underneath the single blanket draped over the couch and presses his face against Riku's upper arm, hoping to block out the light hitting his eyelids and begging him to get up.

The cedarwood scent of Riku's cologne clings to his shirt still, and if Sora could physically press himself even closer, he would. The smell makes this couch in their college apartment feel like home. 

 _Home_ home. The last time Sora was still living in Destiny, even that hadn't quite felt like home. Of course, they'd had to spend a whole _year_ without Riku because he'd graduated a year before them and come to Radiant Gardens. He and Kairi both felt it, the missing piece of their friendship, and while they eventually found a rhythm together, it was never entirely right.

Almost subconsciously, Sora's fingers curl into the fabric of Riku's shirt, like it will keep him from going anywhere— as if he is going anywhere right now— and Riku stirs in his sleep, but he doesn't quite wake up.

That year apart was a strange one. Sora's positive that had they not spent a whole year separated from Riku Kairi wouldn't have kissed him. And if Kairi hadn't kissed him then he would never have told her how he felt about Riku (though he suspects she probably would've figured it out on her own— or maybe she already had, he's not sure,) and she wouldn't have spent ten minutes last night trying to talk him out of the romantic study idea.

Not that that had anything to do with Sora's unfortunately massive crush on his best friend. That was just a coincidence. If Riku thought it was weird, he wouldn't have agreed to it. That the munny swayed him was enough to convince Sora that it wasn't that bad an idea or an impulse decision caused by his crush. 

Sora shifts, opening his eyes and rolling onto his stomach, sprawled over Riku. He boops Riku's nose with his finger. Riku doesn't even twitch in his sleep, and Sora pouts. Surveying Riku's face as he sleeps. He's always been devastatingly beautiful, and the way the sunlight filters through the open window blinds paints Riku's face in rays of bright morning light and casts shadows of his eyelashes and his jawline.

Sora lets out a light exhale through his nose. It's cosmically unfair. The universe must have conspired against him in his drunken state last night. If they were dating, Sora would just lean forward and kiss Riku's lips without hesitation. But they're not, not really. Instead, Sora brings his finger to Riku's nose again, this time pressing harder against it.

Riku inhales, and his eyelids slowly open as he lets out an "Mm?"

"Wake up sleepy head," Sora says, "I'm _hungry._ "

Rather than use words, Riku just groans and cranes his neck to the side, nuzzling into the throw pillow he's slept on and closing his eyes once more.

" _Wake up_ ," Sora demands again; he shakes one of Riku's shoulders.

"I'm awake," Riku replies, speaking into the pillow and not even making an attempt to open his eyes. "I'm fully awake."

Sora lets out an exasperated noise and collapses face-first against Riku's chest. He takes the opportunity to breathe in the scent of Riku's cologne once more. He must spray his clothes with it or something because it's nearly miraculous that it's lasted the whole night of Riku sleeping on the couch.

There's an arm around his side and a hand against his back between his shoulder blades. Sora could stay like this forever probably, but naturally, Riku has other plans. He pulls them both off the couch, and they tumble onto the floor, legs tangled together with each other and the blanket.

"Hey!" Sora protests.

Riku laughs. It's hard not to want to laugh, too, and Sora's resolve isn't that great, so in a matter of seconds he's joining in.

"Is Kairi awake yet?" Riku asks, detangling himself from Sora and the blanket and sitting cross-legged on the floor, back pressed up against the bottom of the couch. "Or do you need to go annoy her too?"

"I didn't even think of that," Sora says. He hums. "Do you think she'll be mad if I wake her up?"

"You didn't seem worried about whether I'd be mad," Riku points out.

"Yeah," Sora agrees. "But you're Riku. She's Kairi. _Morning_ Kairi."

In high school, they'd started referring to the monster that took over their best friend's body in the morning hours with a nest of messy hair, drools down the side of her mouth, and a penchant for rage  'Morning Kairi.' Sora isn't keen on messing with Morning Kairi, especially not after a night of all of them drinking. He recalls her downing a whole double bottle of Pink Moscato by herself in record time. It was simultaneously impressive and horrifying.

Riku rolls his eyes, but he reaches over and ruffles Sora's hair. Sora nudges his head into Riku's hand, and he feels a bit like a pet dog, but he can't help that; Riku's hand tangled in his hair is one of the best feelings in the whole world. Of course, it only lasts a few seconds before Riku stands up.

"Fine," he says, "I'll wake up Morning Kairi since you're too chicken."

"I'm not chicken!" Sora says, jumping up from he's still sprawled on the floor in a single athletic manoeuver, but Riku's already sprinted to the door of Sora's bedroom.

#

Kairi's wearing pink sunglasses inside the restaurant and she's sucking down a Bloody Mary through a straw as though she's never had anything else to drink in her entire life.  Sora can sympathize even though he's drinking a glass of decidedly unalcoholic pineapple juice. Riku sits next to her, a mug of black coffee in front of him because— as Sora learned early on during his freshman year— College Riku hates himself at least a little bit, at least enough to major in physics and drink _black_ coffee. He shivers as Riku takes a whole gulp from the mug in front of him.

"So," Kairi says, "now that you two are dating—"

" _Fake_ dating," Riku amends.

"— does that make me the third wheel?"

"Well," Sora says, staring into his glass of pineapple juice, " _You_ get to sit next to Riku at brunch, so I think that makes me the third wheel here."

Kairi grins and Riku raises an eyebrow but says nothing as he takes another gulp of his coffee.

"Hey, guys," says a voice from behind him.

"Fancy seeing you all here," a second person says.

Sora cranes his neck to look behind him. Roxas and Axel stand there; Roxas wears a sweatshirt that hangs almost to his knees with the cuffs of the sleeves rolled up (but still nearly engulfing his hands.) Sora assumes it's Axel's based on the fact that it's black with a Guns N' Roses logo screen-printed on the front. Riku has mentioned before that he thinks Axel's love of Guns N' Roses is ironic, but Sora's not so sure anyone can own _that_ much band merch wholly ironically. Though, that singer's name is _Axl_ certainly gives Riku's theory some credit.

"Hey, guys!" Kairi greets before Sora or Riku manage to say anything. "Do you wanna sit with us?"

"Well, we were going to—"

"Sure," Roxas interrupts Axel, sliding into the booth next to Sora.

Sora shifts to make room for them, and it's a good thing that Axel is so skinny despite the fact that he's probably over a foot taller than all of them. What is he, like 6'8"? Sucks for Riku, who's seated just across from him, and having to share knee space under the table.

The waitress comes over to tell them their food will be right out. She looks slightly surprised at the arrival of two extra customers squeezed into the booth, but she only laughs and tells them they could have asked for a bigger table before taking Roxas and Axel's food and drink orders, and then returning only a moment later with an iced coffee for Roxas and a Coke for Axel.

"So," Axel says, "you guys are all coming tonight, right?"

"What's tonight?" Riku asks, pulling his eyebrows together.

Axel lets out a long exhale and then tilts his head to look at Roxas. "You told me you texted them."

"I texted Sora," Roxas says.

"Oh!" Sora says pulling his phone out of the pocket of his denim jacket. He unlocks it and clicks on his texts. He has seven unread messages, only one of which is from Roxas. "Oops," he rubs the back of his neck and laughs. "I must have dismissed the notification on accident and forgot."

"You're notoriously bad at texting," Kairi says before turning her attention to Roxas. "Though I'm surprised you didn't get a blurry selfie and gibberish in return, considering…"

"Fun night?" Axel asks, eyebrow raised.

Sora doesn't appreciate the implication, so he frowns and opens the text he missed from Roxas last night.

"Yeah, we'll be there," he says, locking his phone again.

"Where exactly are you promising we'll be?" Riku asks.

"Party at ours," Roxas says.

"There's gonna be a bunch of chem people," Axel says to Riku, "so probably a few other physics people too."

"Cool," Riku says back, but he's looking at Sora.

Sora's not sure why they're like this. He doesn't care whether any other kinesiology majors at the parties he goes to. In fact, he doesn't even talk that much with most of the other people in his major, at least not to the same extent that he talks to Kairi and Riku, and even Roxas, Xion, and Naminé. As far as he knows, Riku doesn't spend all that much time with other physics majors either, except for on the evenings leading up to exams, yet every time they go out in a group, Axel and Riku have to discuss whether other chem people and physics people will be around. Sora's a little insulted; it's like Riku doesn't think he and Kairi are smart enough to hang out with.

"Anyway," Roxas says, "Why didn't anyone tell us about—?"  He points diagonally from Riku to Sora and back.

Kairi grins. "Well," she says, sounding far too proud of herself. It's deserved, probably. She's evidently better at thinking on her feet than either Sora or Riku, and this is proof.  "I think they wanted to keep it a secret. They never even told me, you know. Of course, they didn't _have_ to. They're so easy to read."

"Secret?" Axel asks, sounding especially unconvinced. "I thought that you guys were already together when I first met you 'til Roxas corrected me."

Roxas snorts. "Yeah, though, maybe you guys were already together at the time? How long has it been, anyway? The study said we had to be together for at least…" He pauses and makes a face. "..six months, right?"

Axel nods. "Yeah, that's what Ienzo told us through D, anyway."

"It's been eight months!" Sora answers brightly, remembering yesterday evening's conversation with Ienzo, and the awkward walk back that followed. A year? Eight months? What was the difference really, besides a measly sixteen weeks. Sora wonders what they're supposed to say happened in all that time between them sleeping together and making things 'official.' He shakes his head, remembering where they are and the conversation at hand, "Right, Riku?"

"Right," Riku says sounding bored.

Sora makes a face that Roxas and Axel can't see— one that says _Please at least pretend you care enough to make it convincing._ Fooling Ienzo, who doesn't know them, is one thing, but it's going to take a little more effort to keep Roxas convinced. After all, Roxas is right to wonder why they hadn't bothered to tell him anything. Sora's sure that if he and Riku were really dating he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for longer than a few days. Like 72 hours, tops.

"Right, well," Roxas says, "you're all coming tonight then?"

Kairi nods enthusiastically.  At some point during this conversation, she's managed to finish off her Bloody Mary. "Of course! Wouldn't miss it for the world."

The waitress shows up again then, expertly balancing three plates. She places them in front of Riku, Sora, and Kairi respectively. She asks Kairi if she wants another drink ("Just water!") and then disappears once more. Sora and his stomach have both never been happier to have food in front of him in his entire life. It takes everything in him not to dig in right away. Kairi and Riku are waiting too, but he kind of wishes one of them would start eating so he wouldn't feel bad doing the same.

The conversation's died already, though, so they sit in silence.

#

"So now," Riku says, "We have to pretend that we're together through this whole party because your cousin and his boyfriend think that we're dating."

Sora tilts his head and pulls his eyebrows together. Riku _sounds_ frustrated, but Sora can't figure out why. It's not exactly like Riku ever does a lot of mingling at parties. In fact, Sora can't remember Riku ever hooking up with or going on a date with someone in the whole time they've been at RGU together, which is about a year and a half. And he's never mentioned anything happening during his first year here, either. And Sora knows for a stone-cold fact that there was nothing while they were in high school.

Still, if he wants to say he thinks fake-dating Sora is cramping his style, he should just come out and say it.

Riku pulls at the hems of the sleeves of his long-sleeve black shirt. He's wearing black joggers with it, tucked into leather combat boots laced all the way up. The kitchen lights reflect off his silver hair, and Sora's not sure whether it's the haircut or a new shampoo, but was Riku's hair always that shiny? He doesn't think so— he definitely would've noticed that.

"It's not like we have to act any different," Sora says, "You usually just hang around Kairi and me the whole time when we go to parties anyway. We probably don't even have to like—" He gestures, unsure of exactly what it is Riku thinks they'll need to be doing to convince a bunch of drunk people that they're together. He changes the subject. "What, were you planning on going home with someone?" Part of him isn't sure he really wants an answer to that question.

Riku looks at Sora for a second. His eyes make Sora feel a little self-conscious, but he refuses to take the question back now that it's been voiced aloud. Finally, Riku just lets out a long exhale, his head falling backward so he looks at the ceiling.

"I guess you're right," he says.

Sora isn't sure what to say to that, but he's saved from having to say _Obviously, I'm right. I'm smart sometimes._ The apartment door swings open and Kairi walks inside. She's changed since brunch, and now she's wearing a pink tank top made with ribbed fabric, and rather than sewn together at the sides, it's tied together with laces. She wears black jeans with it and she's carrying a bottle of Pink Moscato, identical to the one she drank here just last night.

"Aren't you cold?" Riku asks her.

"Not really," she says, "besides I'll be drunk on the way back here. Also, I'm stealing Sora's bed again tonight. Thanks, Sora."

Sora throws his hands up dramatically and looks at the ceiling. "My bed? When is it gonna be Riku's turn?"

"Riku's bed is further from the bathroom," Kairi says. "And besides, he's not as much of a pushover as you."

"She's right," Riku says.

"Plus I'm sure you both were super comfy together last night," Kairi says with a wink.

Sora can't protest that as much as he wants to. Sleeping on the couch is never a comfortable arrangement, but waking up next to Riku was definitely a plus. Riku doesn't deny it either, which is something. Sora tries with every ounce in him to not read too much into the lack of denial because Riku does say something else.

"Uber's outside."

#

Through the haze of alcohol, Sora's relatively aware of being talked at by a very tall, very muscular, very drunk man. He's not really paying attention to whatever the guy's gym routine is (and Sora gets the feeling he's exaggerating anyway, and he really shouldn't have bothered telling this guy his major was kinesiology.) In his peripheral vision, Riku's talking to some guy and they keep inching closer together every time Sora glances over. Or maybe it's a trick of Sora's drunk imagination. Either way, they seem to be inching toward each other, and Sora's definitely not a fan of that.

When they first got here Kairi immediately was pulled away by Xion and Naminé, but Riku and Sora had ended up talking to Axel and Roxas for a while by where the they had stashed the red solo cups. Sora's had a lot to drink, probably too much, and he can't remember when the separation from Riku happened. Did he go to the bathroom? Did Riku go to the bathroom? Who is this guy talking to him? And who is that guy talking to Riku? He looks familiar for some reason, but Sora's too drunk to place him.

Still, this is a rare moment of semi-clarity in an otherwise blackout night.

"Excuse me," he says.

He steps away from the guy in front of him and heads to where Riku is across the room.

The townhouse is filled wall-to-wall with people. It's a mixer between the club that Roxas and Axel are both in and some other campus organization that Sora was sure didn't even exist— the chemistry frat. He wonders exactly how a mixer like this even managed to get planned since he can't really get a straight answer from either Roxas or Axel about what their club even is. He doubts it's related to chemistry, since, apparently, that's what the chemistry frat exists for. Maybe it's just an excuse to throw parties like this. After all, it's not the first one Sora has been to in this townhouse. It probably helps that one of the other two guys they share the townhouse with— Demyx, a supersenior music student— is a party animal.

Their other roommate has blue hair and is a grad student in some program that Sora can't even remember because it sounded _so_ boring. He can't remember that roommate's name either. Sora doesn't really pay much attention when that dude talks. Whatever lights are set up in the livingroom— Sora doesn't care to think about nor look toward the source— paint the white plaster walls of the townhouse walls in different shades of magenta, and blue, and green. An electronic beat pounds persistently, shaking the floor and the walls.

He finally makes it across the sea of people and sidles up next to Riku.

"Hi!" he says, "I'm Sora!" He holds his hand out to the other guy.

The guy looks at Sora's hand then at Riku. Sora tries his best to ignore the less than savory expression by keeping a smile plastered on his own face. Honestly, it's a little rude how he doesn't bother to even introduce himself to Sora. Blond hair peeks out from under a black beanie. He has a small scar at the start of the bridge of his nose. Why does he look so familiar?

"You know this kid?" he asks Riku, glancing at Sora once more before taking a lazy sip from a red cup.

Before Sora even sees Riku move, his arm is around Sora's shoulders. "Yeah," he says.

Sora feels oddly triumphant.

The other guy finally looks at Sora properly, gives him a slight nod of his chin, and says, "'Sup? I'm Seifer."

Sora doesn't really want to think about or deal with Seifer right now, so he just says, "Nice to meet you." The more pressing matter is that Sora wants Riku's attention back. It's not that he's jealous, because he's not, he just likes having his best friend's attention. That's not a bad thing, is it? Rather than give in to the drunk train of thought that will definitely lead to a spiral, he turns to his friend.

" _Riku,_ " he says, in what he likes to think is the most irresistible (or possibly just the whiniest) voice he can muster. "I'm sleepy. Let's go home."  In an attempt to prove his point, he steps even closer to Riku, wraps his arms around his waist, and closes his eyes, letting his head fall against Riku's shoulder. He feels Riku's head turn but refuses to open his eyes, lest he give himself away.

"You already wanna leave?" Riku asks, voice right in Sora's ear. Sora's heart speeds up and his drunken self almost  _wants_ Riku to somehow feel it against his side, to ask Sora about it. Instead, he asks, "Where's Kairi?"

In the background, Sora's aware of Seifer stepping away from them. He might say something to Riku or maybe it's just to himself, but Sora can't tell really when it's masked by the electronic music. Riku doesn't acknowledge it either way.

"Hey," Riku says, bringing a hand to Sora's chin and guiding his face up.

Sora looks at Riku, and then closes his eyes again, letting his chin rest in Riku's hand.

"Huh," Riku says, "you really are tired. You go find Kairi and meet me out front, 'kay? I'll get us an Uber back."

Sora blinks his eyes open. He leans forward without so much as a second thought and kisses the tip of Riku's nose. It's hard to tell under the magenta lights, but he thinks Riku even blushes. Sora grins and lets out a pleased hum, not quite lucid enough to fully laugh.

"How much did you have to drink?" Riku asks, frowning and dropping the hand that previously held Sora's chin.

"I could have more," Sora replies, closing his eyes again.

"I thought you said you wanted to go home."

He shrugs.

"Okay," Riku says, "I'll make the decision for both of us then. We're going home. Let's go find Kairi."

Sora frowns when Riku steps away from him, but it'd be impossible to walk through the party like that. Riku turns as he steps away and his hand finds its way from Sora's shoulder to his hand. This is fine, more than fine, really. Riku's fingers curl into Sora's, and Sora squeezes Riku's hand as he follows him through the party.  _See?_ Sora thinks to himself. Riku would have taken his hand whether or not they were fake dating. Proof that they really don't even have to act any different, outside of the room with Ienzo.

They ascend the stairs to the bedrooms and stop at Roxas' room. Riku knocks on the door.

"Come in!" someone on the other side calls.

Riku tries to tug his hand away, but Sora tightens his grip. Riku looks at him and rolls his eyes, but he also grins, and even Sora isn't drunk enough to miss it before Riku opens the door.

"How long have you all been up here?" Riku asks.

"Only most of the party," one of the girls— Xion? Naiminé? Sora can't see through Riku's back, and their voices are so similar, and Sora's still very drunk— answers.

Sora tugs his hand back away from Riku and makes his way to Roxas' bed. He lies down on it, curling against a pillow and closing his eyes. Someone close to him snorts, and it's not a girl so it must be Roxas or Axel.

Now that he's lying down, he's perfectly fine with staying here. All night. Maybe forever, even. Someone's trying to pull him up though, he doesn't fully resist them, but he doesn't try to help them either and he's in quite a difficult position to be forced out of.

"You can't fall asleep here," Riku says in his ear.

"'M comfy," Sora answers, head tilting, eyes still closed.

Distantly, someone giggles.

#

Sora wakes up. His mouth and throat are dry, and the air is cold and made worse by a chilly breeze. He desperately wants water, but he also wants to be under the covers and in bed. He tries to shift closer to the source of warmth against his side. He realizes someone is carrying him, and he opens his eyes.

"Oh, good. You're awake," Riku says, "Want me to put you down?"

"Not really," Sora answers honestly, closing his eyes once more and nuzzling his face further against Riku's chest. He exhales, content to fall back asleep right here, as comfortable as he was earlier on his cousin's' bed.

"Got it!" Kairi says from somewhere out of sight, followed by the sound of their apartment door opening.

His feet brush against something as Riku steps through the threshold, but he only hums in acknowledgment of it.  The door closes behind them, but Sora feels Riku still walking.

Kairi calls, "G'night! I'm stealing sleep clothes, too, Sora."

He thinks he says _Okay_ out loud, but he's so tired that maybe it's just in his head.

His back rests against something soft and then hands pull away from him. Sora lazily opens one eye. He's on the couch. He's used to sleeping on the couch after drinking with Riku and Kairi— Kairi always takes his bed, and he's usually fine with that— but last night, Riku shared the couch with him.  He's not looking forward to waking up with couch neck and no Riku to show for it. What's the point of that? Now that he's had it, he can't go back to not having it. That would be unfair.

"Alright," Riku says, "you gonna be okay out here?"

Sora shakes his head.

"What's wrong?" Riku asks, hands on hips, eyebrows pulled together.

"Water," Sora says, closing his eye again.

He hears Riku's footsteps and then the opening of a cabinet. He listens to the faucet run and tries to force himself to stay awake for at least another ten seconds. Maybe he can even convince Riku to stay out here again.  

Riku's footsteps return and then he says, "I put it on the floor next to the couch. You all set now?"

Rather than respond to that with words, Sora reaches out and grabs in the general direction of Riku's voice. He manages to latch onto some fabric, and. from the feel of the skin underneath, figures out it's Riku's calf.

_Ha. Try leaving without your legs, Riku._

"Excuse me?" Riku says.

"Did I say that out loud?" Sora asks, still refusing to open his eyes.

"Yes," Riku says. "What do you want?"

Sora decides stubbornly that he will say nothing.

"You want me to stay out here with you?"

Sora gives a sleepy grin. _Yes_ , that is the right answer. Good job, Riku. Excellent detective work. They've already done it once now, what's the big deal if it happens a second time? Sora doesn't really think it's even a _deal_ nevermind a _big deal_. They are best friends, after all. Best friends who are fake dating, and now not just in front of Ienzo, but in front of Axel and Roxas and their roommates, and everyone who saw them at the party tonight.

"Open your eyes," Riku says, "get up. I'm not carrying you the ten feet to my room."

Sora does open his eyes, but only out of surprise. "Huh?"

"If you don't want to be alone that's fine," Riku says, "but I am not sleeping on the couch again. There is no escaping your knees on that couch."

"Wait, really?" Sora asks.

Suddenly, he does have the energy to stand up. He sits up first, and then he stretches his back and stands. The water that Riku just got him gets knocked over onto the floor in the process but it's just water. They don't even have to wipe it up, right?

Riku lets out an annoyed exhale and walks over to the kitchen to grab a paper towel. Sora walks to Riku's bedroom. He takes the opportunity to take off his dusty yellow converse and change out of his jeans and into a pair of black sweatpants hanging over the back of Riku's desk chair before collapsing onto Riku's bed, face first into a pillow.

It smells like Riku's shampoo, and there's the distinct cedar scent of his cologne lingers there too. Sora breathes in through his nose. He's in love. It's probably the alcohol in his system that forms the thought because it's certainly not his coherent brain. He's in love _with that scent_ , the small corner of his mind that's not drunk or overtired amends for him. Yeah. That's right. In love with that scent.

"You're gonna need to scooch over," Riku's voice says from a few yards away, "or at least don't lie diagonally across my entire bed."

Sora hums and shifts; he manages to pull the covers over himself without having to get back up, and he lies on his side. He hears the flick of the light switch then Riku setting something on the desk next to his bed (hopefully water, Sora thinks) before the covers rustle, the mattress shifts, and Riku's in bed next to him.  Sora finds Riku's side with his hands and then shifts himself closer until he can press his forehead against Riku's back.

"Riku," he asks, voice breathy from being half-asleep and cracked from dehydration, "how come you've never dated anyone?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Riku responds.

"What about— Have you ever kissed anyone?"

Riku hesitates. He doesn't answer the question either, instead, he asks his own. "What's this about, Sora?"

"Just curious," Sora lies.

"I think it's time for both of us to go to sleep," Riku says.

Sora hums and he doesn't disagree. He shifts again, so he's in a better position for his neck, but he's still as close to Riku as possible. He breathes in the cologne off Riku's shirt once more. His lips feel dry and chapped, and he's tempted to reach over Riku to grab the water off the edge of the desk, but he doesn't want to be annoying.  It doesn't matter much anyway because a few seconds later he's asleep for the second time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ienzo's back next time. also, i will defend my choice to have axel ironically into guns n' roses to the death.


	3. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > "There's a lot you don't see," Kairi says.

"Okay," Ienzo says, "Let's back up to what Sora said at the beginning of the session." His eyes meet Riku's, to his dismay, and then he asks, "Have you maybe given Sora reason to think you're not fully committed in the relationship before? Or is this fairly new?"

"I've never done that. Not this weekend, not before then." _Not ever,_ Riku thinks, because he and Sora have never been dating.

He glances at the clock. The session's almost over, and the sooner they get out of here, the better. Riku tries to calculate how many more meetings they have left in his head. He counts fourteen, which frankly, is fourteen too many. He glances at Sora who made a big scene about Riku talking to some guy at the party at Roxas and Axel's. He'd been so convincing that if Riku didn't know any better, he'd think Sora was _actually_ jealous.  There's a downward tug on his heart at that thought, but Riku's not sure why. Maybe it's just indigestion— something they ate at the dining hall for dinner before walking over here. Whatever it is, it must show on Riku's face because Ienzo scribbles something in his notebook.

"Is that true, Sora?" Ienzo asks.

Sora crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head to one side. "Well, Riku's always been getting attention from guys and girls since we were in middle school, not that he's ever noticed. I mean, maybe he doesn't _mean_ to flirt with every guy who looks at him twice, but I've asked him to at least think about how what he's saying is being perceived, and he still goes around and does stuff like this!"

If Riku didn't know from being Riku that that conversation has never taken place—  because their whole relationship is a lie— he'd be convinced he were the asshole here. Instead, Sora's being an asshole by making Riku look like an asshole in front of Ienzo. Why couldn't they act like one of those boring couples that just hangs out and watches Netflix on the weekends and has study dates during the week? That's pretty much what their friendship already is, plus inviting Kairi to all of those.

Riku furrows his brow. What is Sora getting out of this?

"What's your verdict?" Riku asks, Ienzo if only to speed this conversation up, "What should I do?"

"Oh," Ienzo says, "I'm not here to act as your therapist. If I gave advice, it might mess up the results of the study."

"I thought this was just like… research dress rehearsal," Sora says.

"Sort of," Ienzo says, "But, as I told you last week if the 'practice run'—" he makes air quotes with his fingers around the words— "goes well, I may be able to use the results in the final write-up. Which means I should try my best to stick to the standards my adviser and I agreed upon." He pauses. "Also if I started acting like a therapist there could be… legal ramifications."

"Well," Riku says, "I wish you would have brought up the fact that you thought I was flirting with that guy before we were in front of our not-therapist."  He pauses, and before he can stop himself from playing Sora's game, he adds, "I would have told you the truth."

"Which is?" Sora asks.

"That I already have the greatest boyfriend on the planet." It sounds so disgustingly sappy that he's not entirely sure Ienzo will buy it. He doesn't believe it himself; even if he was dating Sora, he can't imagine himself saying something so gag-worthy.

Sora's eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to speak, but Ienzo beats him to it, "Well, that's all the time we have today. I have to get ready before the next couple gets here." He pauses and looks worriedly at a point on his desk. "Last week, one of them threw a chair." He shakes his head and stands up. "I'll see you guys Friday."

"See you!" Sora says.

"Thanks," Riku says. _For nothing,_ he doesn't say.

Riku eyes Sora as they walk back to their apartment. "So," he says, cautiously. He's not sure how to broach the topic without sounding like an idiot. "That whole thing in there about Seifer—"

"What about it?" Sora asks.

"Well," Riku says, "You actually sounded jealous."

Sora rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on, Riku. We're here to convince Ienzo that we're in a long-term relationship. We might as well have fun with it! Plus it was on my mind because—" He doesn't finish the thought.

Riku narrows his eyes. "Because…?"

Sora grins, "Because I just saw Roxas today! He seemed kind of pissed that Seifer was even _at_ the party, given that he's a huge asshole."

Riku rolls his eyes. He's not so innocent of assholery himself, and yet Sora puts up with him just fine. He glances at Sora as they walk silently along the sidewalk. Sora drags his fingertips against the grates of the fence of the soccer field that marks the western boundary of the campus. Riku wonders how he'd managed to pull off such a convincing tone with Ienzo. He'd seemed genuinely angry with Riku for talking to Seifer, but now he seems only mildly annoyed. Which makes more sense, now that Riku knows Roxas thinks Seifer is an asshole, and Sora takes pretty much anything his cousin tells him at face value.

"Well," he says, "if Seifer is such an asshole then I won't bother texting him."

Sora knows he's won and wears the knowledge by rolling his shoulders back and lifting his chin. "See," Sora says, "I knew your taste in guys couldn't be _that_ bad."

Riku rolls his eyes, but he can't help the small grin that forms on his lips. It would be hard for him to find a reason to genuinely get mad at Sora for something as unimportant as finding fault in a guy he talked to at a party. It's not like Riku was even planning on anything happening there, and if he were then shouldn't he be the one annoyed at Sora for cockblocking during the actual party? Riku's not sure what to think, but Sora seems back to normal, so he tries not to think about it.

#

Riku can't remember the last time he spent more than thirty minutes alone with Kairi. It seems like they're always around each other, always connected, but sometimes Riku wonders whether they'd even be friends with one another if it weren't for Sora. That's not to say he doesn't like Kairi— she is one of his best friends, after all— but he can't think of any circumstances that would have brought them together during their childhoods in Destiny that don't involve Sora.

Which is why he's surprised when she asks to get dinner with him and specifically tells him not to bring Sora along. Something weird is up, and probably it involves Sora. Riku's not an idiot. As much as he wracks his brain for an answer, though, he can't figure one out. Sora's the same as ever.  When he asks Kairi what's up she texts back: _you'll find out tonight :)_  and Riku narrows his eyes at the text smiley face and spends the rest of the afternoon wondering what could be going on.

They meet off-campus because there's less of a chance of running into Sora, or Sora's cousin, or Sora's cousin's boyfriend. Riku understands, he doesn't trust any of them to be tight-lipped to Sora if they ran into Kairi and Riku, especially not that they think Riku and Sora are dating.

They end up in a booth at an Italian chain restaurant. Kairi (predictably) orders a glass of Sparkling Moscato. Riku gets water.  

"So, what's this about?" Riku asks her as she lifts the wine glass to her lips.

She takes a long sip before answering. "Riku you have no tact," she scolds, "I was going to wait until we at least had our food but since you're impatient—" She leans her elbow on the table, still holding the stem of her wine glass. "I'm asking this as your and Sora's friend. Call off the fake dating nonsense."

"Sounds like you're _telling_ me," Riku says, pulling his eyebrows together. And, because he is who he is, he immediately wants to argue with her. "Why should I?" he asks.

"Why _shouldn't_ you is the better question. Don't you think it might put a strain on your friendship? Which puts my friendship with both of you at risk, too, by the way."

Riku thinks that's a stretch. He's always known if there was ever a falling out within their friend group that he'd be the odd one out. It's no question what side Kairi would take if this all ended badly, as she's implying it might. Sora's, of course. He wouldn't even blame her for it. "Why don't you ask Sora to call it off?" Riku asks.

Kairi rolls her eyes. "I did. But he—" She pauses tilts her head back and forth as she thinks. "You know Sora. He doesn't always _think_ when it comes to… He doesn't always think."

"I'm not entirely convinced it could end any other way than us getting the ten thousand munny and then buying two PlayPlus systems and spending the next years shut in our own bedrooms."

Kairi places her wine glass meaningfully and carefully on the table. Riku watches it and then looks back at her. She takes a deep breath before saying, "Riku," she says, "I love you as a friend. I really do. But you know how idealistic Sora is."

He does. But he doesn't know what that has to do with their fake dating. He takes a sip of his water. Kairi's dancing around something, but Riku doesn't know what but he also doesn't want to admit that he can't figure it out. "Yes," he says. "But why—"

"Haven't things been just a _little_ weird since this all started?"

"It's only been a few days," Riku says.

Even as he says that he thinks of what happened earlier in Ienzo's office. Of Sora's annoyance about Seifer.  Of his reluctance to let go of Riku until Riku invited him to sleep in his bed. He thinks of Friday evening when Sora told Ienzo that he'd been in love with Riku his whole life. It couldn't be true, of course. Riku would've noticed by now if Sora was in love with him. Certainly, he would have seen when back in high school he thought _he_ was in love with Sora.

"Exactly," Kairi says like he answered her question.

"If you don't think I've already considered that this could end badly then you underestimate me," Riku says, "but I just don't think there's any real reason to believe it would. Do you think I would have agreed to this if there was anything that could seriously go wrong?"

Kairi says something under her breath that Riku doesn't quite catch. "Wha—"

He doesn't get to finish, asking because the waitress sets their plates in front of them. He glares at her back as she retreats around a corner, he assumes toward the kitchen.  Kairi wastes no time in cutting into her eggplant parmesan.

"So, what is it exactly that you think's going to happen?" Riku asks her point-blank, crossing his arms over his chest.

She takes her time chewing and swallowing her bite of food before answering him. And even then, she keeps her answer as vague as possible by saying, "I think I've said enough, actually."

"Seriously, Kairi. What the fuck is going on?" Riku would like to know why he's so apparently out of the loop of his fake relationship. "As far as I'm aware there's enough reason that you should be having the same conversation with him."

Kairi raises an eyebrow and sets her fork down, but her mouth's full and she takes her time chewing. Riku's too impatient to be having this conversation at all, let alone over a dinner that Riku's increasingly suspicious he'll be paying for.  She gives him another non-answer, saying, "Not exactly," and though he waits for her to elaborate, she doesn't.

"Look," Riku says, "if there's a reason for me to think things are going sour, I'll put a stop to it. But I don't see—"

"There's a lot you don't see," Kairi says.

Riku frowns at that. What is he missing? He wants to keep arguing, but he can't figure out what they're even arguing about anymore, so he lets it go.

#

It's an otherwise ordinary night in the apartment. That consists of Sora, with a textbook open on his lap, Netflix playing from his Macbook, and drool coming out of the side of his mouth as he naps. It's a wonder he passes any of his classes, but Riku knows better than to pry about his GPA— he asked once last year and not again since— and it's not like it matters anyway, he's only curious.

What's not normal is Riku's staring at Sora, his eyebrows drawn together, nose scrunched slightly. Damn Kairi and her bringing him to dinner only to put ridiculous ideas in his head. If anything, this display of Sora taking a nap while sitting upright on the couch should convince Riku that there isn't anything to worry about. He should go back to his linear algebra homework, but he glances down at it and thinks he doesn't care. It's not due until Friday's class, which gives him all of tomorrow to work on it.

Leaving his textbook open on the table, he walks over where Sora sits on the couch and gently closes his laptop. Sora wakes at the disruption of Netflix and says, "Hey… I was watching that."

Riku blinks eyes finding Sora before he smirks, "Nuh-uh," he replies, "you were dead asleep."

"Was not."

"Were too," Riku says. He points at Sora's chin. "You've been drooling."

Sora uses the back of his hand to wipe the drool off his chin, only pouting when he realizes that Riku's telling the truth. He shifts, pulling his feet onto the couch, and the textbook on his lap thuds against the carpet, its spine snapping shut. If it were anyone else, Riku would find it annoying, but it's hard for him to find Sora annoying ever— except when that's Sora's intent, then he's good at pushing Riku's buttons.

"So," Riku starts. Even though he'd promised Kairi to keep their dinner secret, doesn't mean he can't try to figure out what it was about on his own. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Hmm?" Sora asks, blissfully confused.

"Like… Is there some reason the whole fake dating thing should worry one of our closest friends?"

Sora scratches absently at the back of his neck, face scrunching up as he thinks. "Kairi?" he asks.

"You're smarter than you look," Riku teases, and Sora leans over, hitting his shoulder playfully against Riku's for it.

"There's no reason for Kairi to be worried. She's just—" He gestures after struggling for a word, but Riku has no idea what it's meant to mean.

"She's what?"

Sora runs a hand through his hair. It bounces back into place on its own as his hand returns to his lap. The whole time, he watches Riku silently. Riku holds his breath, refusing to look away, even though the intensity of Sora's gaze makes him uncomfortable. He shifts when Sora finally breaks eye contact and says, "What makes you think Kairi's worried?"

Riku lets out a breath through his nose. So much for keeping it a secret. "She told me."

"She… told you," Sora says, slowly. Riku would think he's speaking carefully if he didn't know any better. "What else did she tell you?"  He looks so serious.

Something is weird about all this. Riku's slowly pulling together the pieces. Kairi and Sora's discussion behind closed doors the night this all started. Kairi telling Riku to be careful not once, but twice. Sora and Kairi, always together.

Riku pulls his eyebrows together. "Nothing," he says even as he realizes what it's all about.

Sora's never been very good at not showing his emotions so Riku can tell he's not buying it. He wonders whether it shows on his face as he feels everything shifts between them, as his stomach drops and his heart feels heavy in his chest.

"Please just say it," Sora says.

"I think _you_ should say it," Riku replies, forcing his voice to remain as even as possible, but even to his own ears, it sounds hostile.

Sora blinks. "I don't—" He stutters, then stops abruptly. Pressing his lips together, he takes an audible breath through his nose. "There's nothing I can say."

"Right."  Riku's not sure what to think. He's mad at his friends for keeping this from him. Why keep it a secret at all? Why not just tell him that they're together? He'd be happy for them if only that hadn't intentionally kept it from him. Wouldn't he? He wants to say yes, but there's something else underneath it all, and he doesn't want to admit it even to himself, but it's impossible to ignore. He's jealous.

Sora opens his mouth, but Riku doesn't let him finish. "I have to finish my problem set," he says, grabbing his textbook on his way out of the apartment.

#

Kairi and Sora lie in the grass looking up at the sky. Riku's intentionally parked himself a more significant distance from them than usual. He pulls pieces of grass out of the ground then lets them fall through the spaces between his fingers, watching them as they descend. It's not that he's trying to make it seem like he's not listening to Sora and Kairi… but that's precisely it.

"Riku," Kairi observes, "you're awfully quiet." She pauses, humming for a moment. "I mean like, more quiet than usual."

"Hmm?" Riku says, surprised to hear his name.

He's not surprised that he finds Kairi looking at him and Sora not looking at him. He wants to think that Sora's ignoring him isn't intentional right now, but things have been tense since last night. Since Riku came to realize his two best friends are probably dating, and that they're doing it behind his back, and he wants to believe it's only the secret-keeping that's making him feel like a spiteful child, but that isn't the truth.

"Riku, are you even listening to me?" Kairi asks. She sits up, raises an eyebrow, and puts a hand on her hip. She reminds Riku of an elementary school teacher calling on him to answer a question he didn't raise his hand for.

"Sorry," he says, shaking his head, so his silver hair falls in front of his eyes. He runs his hand through his bangs, pushing them back momentarily. "What's up?"

"You just seem so distracted," she says, "is something bugging you?"

"Nah," Riku says, "Don't worry about it. I've just got a big test in E&M on Monday. Not sure I'm prepared." Not a total lie.

She tilts her head and narrows her eyes, but after a moment it seems she finds his answer good enough and she settles back against the grass. Riku tries to pay attention to their conversation, to hear any hints at all that his best friends are dating each other. Kairi prattles on about some roommate issues she's having with Naminé. She doesn't call out Sora for being too quiet, Riku notices. But maybe Sora's already talked to her about what happened last night. About Riku finding out about them.

"Gods," Kairi says, "don't get me wrong, I love her, but she put a period in her last text to me. I don't even know what I did to make her hate me!"

Sora sighs. Riku can't hear it from where he's sitting, there's a breeze just a smidge too loud, but he picks it up by the rise and fall of Sora's chest. Kairi pauses in her story and tilts her head to look at him before stroking his hair.  It's a gesture Riku's watched a thousand times, but for the first time, he wonders whether it's platonic. He doesn't think it is, and it makes him sick to his stomach.

He tears his gaze away and picks his phone up from his lap. Fueled by spite and jealousy, among other things, he types out a quick text, debates whether sending it is a good idea, decides he doesn't care if it is or not, and hits send. When the read receipt doesn't immediately show up, he lets out a small groan of annoyance and lets the phone fall back into his lap.

"Oh!" Kairi says as if she's just thought of it, "How did you guys' meeting with the researcher go the other day?"

Riku pushes a breath through his nose. He'd almost forgotten about that, in this new revelation. Now he _knows_ that he's not just fake dating Sora but fake dating the boyfriend of one of his closest friends? Well, now he feels like shit. There's no way he can let it go on; not when he knows about the two of them; not when he knows— too little and too late— how he feels.

How he still feels.

Gods, he thought he'd been over this stupid crush years ago. He'd thought when he started college and didn't always feel like he was drowning in missing Sora (though, admittedly, the first month or so had felt like that) that he was over his stupid crush.

"Okay," Kairi says, "Fine, don't tell me."

"It was fine," Riku says, "Nothing happened."

"Yup," Sora agrees, and for the first time in almost twenty-four hours, he makes eye contact with Riku. "It was boring, actually."

Lying doesn't make him feel great. But he's going to put a stop to it. He has to now. Before he can say anything about that, though, his phone buzzes in his lap. He doesn't pay attention to whatever Kairi says next because he's reading the reply to his last text.

 **Seifer (Axel's Party):** i was beginning to think you'd never actually text me

        **Seifer (Axel's Party):** time and place?

Riku responds quickly, and Seifer's reply is immediate.

       **Seifer (Axel's Party):**  bet

       **Seifer (Axel's Party):** hope your boyfriend doesn't mind

Far too many eggplant emojis follow the last text, and Riku grimaces at his phone.

"What's wrong?" Kairi asks.

"Nothing," Riku says, glancing up. It's impossible to miss Sora eyes on him, his eyebrows drawn in slightly in concern. Riku breaks eye contact and clears his throat. He stands up and brushes off stray blades of grass from the front of his jeans with his hands. "I— uh— I gotta run. Sorry guys. Study group for the test. Everyone's freaking out about it already, and I could use a few other people's help with this content so…" It's a lie, and his friends don't look entirely convinced, but right now Riku needs to get away from them.

#

The sex isn't outstanding. It's not even _good._ And, frankly, it isn't entirely Seifer's fault. Riku's too caught up in his head the whole time to be much better.

He's surprised afterward that the Seifer's even still there, sitting next to Riku on his bed in his boxers. But judging by the glazed over staring at his Instagram feed, Riku has a feeling that it's got nothing to do with him and everything to do with Seifer. He's looked at his own Instagram profile twice in the last thirty minutes like he can't get enough of his posts, which are mostly selfies, and— Why did Riku think this wasn't a terrible idea?

The front door open and closes, the sound only slightly muffled through the thin walls of his bedroom, and Riku jumps at the sound, startling Seifer, who drops his phone down the side of the bed next to the wall. The mattress creaks as he shifts to reach for it before getting off the bed.

"If you're so worried about your boyfriend catching you," Seifer says, pulling on the basketball shorts he'd shown up at the apartment in, "maybe you shouldn't fuck other dudes in the apartment you share with him."

"I don't have a boyfriend," Riku replies, finding his own shirt tangled in the blankets. He gets dressed quickly.

"Oh please," Seifer says, "Short little dude? Clinging all over you at Demyx's party?"

Funny. Riku had been thinking of it as Axel's party.

"He's dating our other friend."

"You sure? Because I was getting major ' _Hands off my man'_  vibes from him."

Riku rolls his eyes. "It's complicated." He doesn't want to go into the whole fake relationship thing, so he leaves it at that.

After getting fully dressed, Seifer pushes Riku's bedroom door open before Riku can think of a way to protest. (Really, what would he say anyway? "Sorry, random hook-up, but if my roommates in the kitchen you gotta leave through the window? No, I already told you, he's not my boyfriend.") Riku takes a slow, deep breath before following.

"I'm outta here," Seifer says. He points at Riku. "Don't ever text me again. That sex was truly awful."

Sora's jaw hangs open. Riku can see that in his periphery, but he's not quite prepared to meet his best friend's eye. He focuses on saying, "Wasn't planning on it," to Seifer's back. Seifer holds up a single hand as a goodbye, but he doesn't stop walking, and he's out the door. Slowly, Riku turns his head to meet Sora's eyes.

Sora blinks twice, looking deliberately away from Riku, closes his mouth, and bites his bottom lip. He nods, but Riku can see his fists clenched at his sides.

"Sora," Riku starts, but—

What is he supposed to say? He guesses he could apologize for hooking up with a random guy on a Thursday afternoon in their apartment without warning. Is this one of the shitty roommate habits Kairi has complained about? Sora looks far too angry, far too _upset,_ for it to be only that. But then, what?

"Seifer. Really, Riku?" Sora says. "Of all the f—" he cuts himself off biting his lip again.

Riku runs a hand through his hair. "It's not a big deal," he says. He tries his hardest to play it casually. He shrugs. "So, what? I slept with someone. Why do you care who it is?" Riku's not sure what reaction he was hoping for from Sora. He certainly hadn't expected him to find out immediately after the fact, but it's not like he hadn't been thinking about the conversation they'd had with Ienzo on Tuesday when he'd sent Seifer the first text.

Sora swallows, his Adam's apple sliding with it. He seems pissed off. An emotion so unlike Sora, that Riku isn't even sure what to do with it. Sora's always worn his emotions in plain sight, and Riku's always known how to handle all of them without hesitation. But this? Riku's never had Sora's anger directed at him. Until now.

Riku waits for Sora to say something. After a moment, Sora shifts his posture, rolling his shoulders back, lifting his chin. "It doesn't matter. I'm just surprised that your type happens to be assholes."

Riku blinks. "You're mad at me," he says because he's not sure what else he can say.

Sora presses his lips together. He narrows his eyes, but he's looking past Riku. "Why would I be mad? I'm just—" He cuts off.

Riku waits for a few beats before asking, "Just what?"

"Nevermind."

"Okay," Riku says. "Then while we're airing our grievances, why don't you tell me why you guys are keeping your relationship a secret from everyone, including me?"

Quickly, Sora's expression shifts. Riku watches it morph from some weird mix of emotions, including anger and spite, to one of pure confusion. "What?"

"Don't play dumb," Riku says, "I know you and Kairi are dating."

Sora blanches. " _What?_ "

Riku pushes a forced breath through his nose. He's losing patience. "Did you really think you guys could keep it from me for that long? What I don't understand is why you didn't just tell me. Did you guys think I wouldn't be happy for you?" There's another question, layered under the surface. One he doesn't ask. _Do you know?_ It wouldn't be unlike Sora to know more about Riku than he does himself.  Why should this time be any different?

Sora shakes his head. "I'm— I don't even know what to say to that. What are you talking about?"

"You're. Dating. Kairi."

Sora lets out a dramatic groan. "I _am not_ dating Kairi! What would make you think that?"

Riku, for his part, isn't an idiot. He sure feels like one, though. He knows, now, that Sora's telling the truth. When has Sora ever been able to keep up a lie? Except for his performance for their recently developed— and soon to be over— fake relationship, Riku can't think of a single time anyone's been convinced by a lie Sora's attempted to tell.

"We went out to dinner the other night," Riku says, "and she told me— I don't know. She was saying all this weird cryptic stuff. I thought that something was up, and then I started to piece things together, and it made sense. I always thought—" He stops himself when he realizes what he's about to say. _I always thought it would be her._  He's never held it against her, because he cares about Kairi, too, but he's always known the two of them had something that Riku could never be part of.  "I always thought you'd eventually get together," he finishes the thought a moment too late.

Sora's expression is a mix of bewilderment and of someone who's about to be sick.

"Sora. You okay?"

Sora nods, slowly, then asks, "What did Kairi say exactly?"

"Mostly just that you don't always think," Riku says, "and that you and I fake dating could be bad for all three of us."

Sora blinks, blue eyes locked on Riku's. How had Riku gone so long without noticing that stupid twinge in his heart at something so simple? It had always been there when he'd known in high school that he'd had feelings for Sora, and over the last year— after he'd thought he was done with those feelings.

Fuck. He feels like he's taken a million steps backward. How is he supposed to survive this a second time?

Before he can answer his own question, Sora licks his lips, and then says slowly, "Riku, I think you misunderstood what Kairi was talking about."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y"ALL. having a 9-5 job means i got $$$ but no time for hobbies. i'm trying tho. hope you're still loving this fic.


	4. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > There's no coming back whether he admits the feelings aloud or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sora doesn't mean to slam the door when he leaves the apartment, but he's in such a hurry that he doesn't even realize how forceful he was in closing it. His emotions haven't yet caught up to his knowledge. He's sure he's supposed to be feeling something— Riku slept with someone who isn't Sora, and while they're not _actually_ dating it still feels like a betrayal, and it still feels like a laceration to his chest. 

For now, he lets the betrayal carry him away from his own apartment and towards the sidewalk, because if he isn't a little bit angry, then he's only sad, and that's not something he wants to give Riku the satisfaction of right now. Not that Riku can see him. And Sora may not have spelled it out, but he's sure Riku must know how he feels now regardless. He'd misunderstood Kairi, and Sora's not entirely sure what Kairi's said, but he needs to find out. He has to know what he's getting into before he goes back to his own apartment and faces his best friend. 

He entertains the idea of texting Kairi to let her know he's on his way, but he's feeling vindictive and petty, and she hadn't told him about her conversation with Riku. So when he reaches the apartment, he knocks on the door and waits until someone opens it. 

"Oh! Hi, Sora." Naminé answers the door. She grins at him, but her expression falters when she meets his eye. "Everything okay?" 

"Not really," Sora answers honestly. "Is Kairi here?" 

Naminé nods and steps back to let Sora inside.  "She's in her room. Studying, I think, but—" 

"Great. Thanks, Naminé." 

Sora doesn't bother knocking on Kairi's bedroom door. He bursts through it. She jumps in surprise, textbook falling from her lap to the floor. Sora crosses his arms over his chest and watches as she picks the book back up before meeting his eye. 

"I thought you said you wanted to get back to your apartment?" She questions. "Or back to Riku?" She's teasing, but when his expression doesn't lighten, she frowns. "You look… angry. Is everything okay?" 

"Well, for your information, I did go back to my apartment. And I did see Riku. With another guy." 

"I know it's weird to think about how he has friends outside of you and me." 

"No, Kairi, I mean he was _with_ another guy. That blond douchebag from Roxas' party. He was leaving when I got back, but they definitely slept together. Riku didn't deny that they did."

"What?" Kairi asks. 

Sora doesn't bother clarifying. Instead, he continues. "And then _he_ got mad at _me_ for supposedly dating you behind his back. Would you happen to know anything about that? Because it's news to me if that's what we are." 

"Oh," Kairi says. She nods. "He must have misunderstood me." 

"What did you say to him?" 

"Just that he should call off the fake dating thing. But, Sora, you have to understand that I only went to him because you weren't listening to me." 

"You're not my mother," Sora snaps. 

Kairi doesn't seem bothered by this outburst. She only looks— well, she looks like she's pitying Sora. Sora certainly isn't a fan of that, but he's stressed and angry and heartbroken, so he'll take that over her getting mad at him for showing up unannounced and throwing a tantrum. "Sorry," he says. 

"Sora," Kairi says, "Do you think maybe it's time to call the whole thing off?" 

Sora shrugs and steps further into the room to take a seat on Kairi's bed. The truth is he doesn't _want_ to call the whole fake dating thing off. He should. He knows he should. Kairi is right, has been since she first found out about it. This entire thing will only end in heartache, and it's already resulted in that, but tomorrow is Friday. And on Fridays, for at least one hour, Sora gets to feel like Riku is his. 

"Do you want my advice?" Kairi asks when Sora says nothing.

"Sure," Sora says, even though he's not sure that he does. 

"You have two ways to go forward. Call off this fake dating thing entirely now, before you end up feeling even worse for yourself, or… Have you ever actually considered just telling Riku how you feel?" 

It's not the first time Kairi's suggested such an idea. Still, Sora shakes his head. For all the times she's suggested it, he's never done it. He's never felt the need to do it. He's never felt the risk might be worth it, after all even if they weren't romantically together all Sora's ever wanted was to be the most important person in Riku's life— as Riku is in his— and he's always had that much. That was before Riku ending up with someone other than Sora romantically ever seemed like a real possibility.  

That was before Riku slept with someone else. 

Truthfully, if Sora replays the whole interaction he'd witnessed between Seifer and Riku over in his head he still feels angry and his chest still feels like it's been swallowed by a black hole, but it's clear that Seifer isn't all that important to Riku nor is the opposite true. Sora's still got the role of the most important person in Riku's life. But how long will that last? If Riku's sleeping with people he doesn't care about and has never seemed at all interested in anything like that with Sora (not that Sora's ever actually tried to move things in that direction) what happens when he does sleep with someone he cares about. What happens when that someone isn't Sora? 

"You said he was mad at you," Kairi says, interrupting Sora's train of thought, "for supposedly dating me behind his back?" 

"Yeah. Thanks for that." 

"Are you sure he was mad?" Kairi asks.

Sora nods. "Yeah, Kairi, I think I can tell when my best friend is angry." 

Kairi hums at this. "Well," she says, "I mean… I can see how he might have thought that that's what I meant. But, Sora, you have to understand I was trying really hard to let on how you feel about him. That's not my news to give. But— You noticed how he was quiet earlier today, and sort of distancing himself from us?" 

Sora shrugs. He had noticed, but for some reason, this afternoon and right now feel several months apart, not several hours.  "I guess," he admits. "But I told you we argued last night, too. And that was also your conversation with him." Sora had almost let slip his feelings then. Now he's glad he didn't. Not if Riku was just planning on sleeping with Seifer. 

"Sora," Kairi says, "Have you considered that maybe Riku was jealous?" 

"Jealous?" Sora asks. 

"If he thought we were dating behind his back." 

"Why would he be jealous?" Sora asks. "Wait, does Riku have feelings for you?" He doesn't really think that's what she's implying, but he has to rule it out.

"No, dummy," Kairi says. "Sora, would I encourage you to tell Riku how you feel if I didn't think he returned your feelings? I mean, have you seen how he looks at you? It's probably not my place to say, but I guess subtlety is only causing more problems between you two." 

"What are you saying," Sora says. He needs her to say it in its entirety. Not because he doesn't understand what she's implying, but because he doesn't believe it. 

Kairi tilts her head. "Sora," she says, "Our friend Riku clearly has feelings for you." 

"You're sure?" Sora asks. 

"Just, pay attention to how he looks at you for like one day. You'll see what I mean." 

#

The next morning, Sora shuffles out of his bedroom.  He hears Riku in the kitchen and the sizzling of something in a pan. Rather than announce the fact that he's awake, he watches Riku as he focuses on cooking. It's not an entirely rare sight, but it certainly isn't a common sight this early on Saturday mornings. Riku _awake_ before him in the morning is unheard of. Especially on a weekday before class. 

"You bring someone else home last night?" Sora asks. 

Riku startles. He licks something off his finger, and he looks at Sora, eyes questioning. Sora tells himself to focus on Riku's eyes and not his lips. 

"What?" Riku says. 

Sora nods to the stove. "You don't like pancakes. I thought—" 

"But you do," Riku says, not letting Sora finish the thought. 

Sora's face heats up. He tries not to read too much into it. "Why?" he asks. 

"I don't know why you like pancakes," Riku says. 

Sora narrows his eyes at Riku, who laughs. Sora's still mad and heartbroken and confused, but the sound softens him. He tries to tell himself that he's _reluctantly_ softened, but it's futile. Riku's laugh has always been unfairly beautiful.

"I mean why are you making pancakes for me?" he asks, forcing himself to not get too caught up in his own feelings.  

"An apology," Riku says, "for being an asshole." 

Now, Sora feels guilty. He had intentionally avoided coming home while he knew Riku would still be awake, and then when he had returned, he'd headed straight for the shower and then for bed.  Between Riku's sleeping with Seifer, and Kairi's saying Riku is in love Sora, Sora's not entirely sure what to think or how to feel. 

Sora has had a crush on Riku his whole life. He knows this. He's never denied that to himself. And he loves Riku at the very least as a friend. But, is it fair to say he's _in_ _love_ with Riku? That seems too— dangerous. It seems like something there's no coming back from.  Then again, if he's trying to convince himself that Riku is something he could ever come back from, he knows he's playing a losing game.

What had Kairi said? _Pay attention to how he looks at you._

He looks for something in Riku's eyes, but he's not quite sure what he's trying to find. 

Riku pulls his eyebrows together. "What?" 

Sora shakes his head. "Nothing," he says, "I just—" He has the sudden urge to say it right now. _I just realized that maybe I'm in love with you._ He takes a deep breath, pushes the urge down. "I'm just surprised to see sleeping beauty awake is all." 

"Sleeping beauty?" Riku asks, raising an eyebrow, "You think I'm pretty?" 

Is Riku flirting with him, or is this typical banter between friends? Sora's not quite sure where the line is, he and Kairi and Riku have never had much by way of boundaries, but suddenly the distinction seems very important. And if Riku is flirting, what does that mean? Thinking too hard about it, Sora misses his chance to respond, to see if he can push it further. 

"Look," Riku says, "Can we just… put this week behind us?" 

Sora nods. "Yeah," he says. It's not like he could ever stay mad at Riku for long anyway. 

"Okay," Riku says, "There's something I want to talk to you about." 

"What is it?" 

Riku glances at the stovetop— or maybe the digital clock there— and then back at Sora. "It can wait until later.  I have to shower before class." 

"Okay, but—" 

"We can talk after our meeting with Ienzo," Riku says. 

Sora finds it strange that Riku would tell him that they have to talk, rather than just say what's on his mind. He's certainly not going to be thinking about what it could be the whole day.

The pancakes are surprisingly decent. Sora covers them in syrup anyway.  As he eats, he wonders what Kairi meant about the way Riku looks at him. He's never noticed anything about it before, and he hadn't noticed anything just now. But the pancakes, and the vague apology… was it for their argument or for the fact that he slept with someone else? It's all so confusing. The shower's already running in the bathroom, so it's too late for Sora to ask. 

But he does want to put this week behind them. 

#

"So," Ienzo says, "how about you guys tell me how your week has been." 

Sora lets Riku take the lead today. He's still wondering what it is Riku wants to tell him after this, and it's distracting him. Riku, however, doesn't seem keen on saying much. He shrugs. Sora tries to catch his eye, but Riku doesn't look over at him. 

Ienzo hums and jots something down. "Last time, we were discussing Sora's jealousy of your interactions with other people. Has that come up at all since our last meeting?" 

Riku doesn't say anything, and then Ienzo's eyes are on Sora's, and he's tilting his head. "You're unusually quiet, Sora," he says. 

"Uh," Sora articulates. "I mean— it's been— this week has been fine. Boring, actually. We just hung out together."  That's far from the truth, but Sora isn't quite sure how he's supposed to explain that Riku slept with someone else but also thought Sora's been dating their third best friend behind his back. Sora has no problem with coming up with white lies on the fly, but he's not quite sure how to spin all of that into the types of issues they'd actually face if they were really dating. It's a painful reminder that they're not. 

"Boring," Ienzo repeats. He doesn't seem entirely convinced. 

"Look," Riku says suddenly, "is there any way we can cut this session short?" 

"Do you have somewhere else you need to be?" Ienzo asks. 

For a moment, Sora's worried that Riku might say yes to that question. Riku really does not seem to be enjoying being in this room right now. He's glad for what Riku says next, even as it spikes his nerves and sends his stomach flipping. 

""No," Riku says, "I just need to talk to Sora about something. Something important." 

Ienzo considers them. Riku looks like he doesn't want to be here, the way he holds himself makes that much clear. Then again, Sora's kind of in the same boat. The last place he wants to be after everything that's happened the previous two days is in a room pretending to be dating Riku.

Not today. Not after what's happened since the last time they were here. He feels betrayed whenever he remembers Seifer coming through the door of Riku's bedroom, leaving their apartment like it was no big deal. It's like a punch to the gut, and it's a painful reminder that all this is fake. No amount of wishing is going to actually change that. 

He remembers what Kairi told him, and he thinks he's right. He has to either put a stop to this fake relationship or else tell Riku how he feels. Sora's not sure that after yesterday he can go on pretending to not have feelings for Riku. 

"Okay," Ienzo says at last, "I'll send both of you an email asking about make-up session dates." 

Sora and Riku both nod at this and then stand up. Sora feels awkward, exiting the room. He'd nearly forgotten who'd be waiting for them outside, but then Roxas is grinning at the both of them. Axel isn't in sight, and he must not be here yet, after all, their session with Ienzo isn't supposed to start until Riku and Sora's official end time. 

"Hey, guys. Quick session?" 

"Had to cut it short," Sora says, running the back of his neck. 

Roxas tilts his head, eyebrows raising, glancing to Riku and then back at Sora. "Oh?" 

"It's not a big deal," Riku says, crossing his arms over his chest, "Something else came up." 

Roxas nods, and he doesn't look entirely convinced, but he says, "Right. I'll see you guys around this weekend, probably." 

"Yeah!" Sora says, "See you, Roxas!" 

Sora is nervous. He realizes this only as they step out of the building, into the crisp evening air. The sun's setting, reflecting golden light off everything around them. Riku's cheeks are tinged pink by the cold, and when he finally meets Sora's eye— or rather when he catches Sora staring— he offers a half-smile. "What?" 

"I—" Sora starts, "I have something to say," he says. 

Riku raises an eyebrow. 

"You should go first though," Sora suggests because Riku is the one that told him this morning that there was something he wanted to say after their meeting with Ienzo. For a moment, Sora lets himself hope that Riku's about to say the words that want to leave Sora's throat. He wants to hear Riku say it first, and that's a selfish thought, he knows, but it doesn't make it untrue. 

Riku squints, light in his eyes, and then he looks away from Sora. He licks his lips, which Sora can't help but watch, and his chest rises and falls when he takes a deep breath. 

"I think," Riku starts and then pauses, shakes his head slightly, strands of hair falling in his face. "I think we need to stop this." 

"Stop what?" Sora asks.  His brow furrows as he tries to think of what Riku could mean. 

" _This,_ " Riku says, gesturing to the building behind them,  "Dating. I mean— fake dating. I think we should stop." 

The drop of his heart to his stomach catches Sora off guard. "Huh," Sora says, slowly, "Okay." This wasn't ever supposed to be something real. Sora had never been dumb enough to hope for that, but it still feels like Riku is rejecting him. He wonders whether Riku's found out the truth on his own. Whether he knows how much Sora's enjoyed pretending that they're a couple, how much he's enjoyed the fantasy. He presses his lips together and doesn't meet Riku's eye. 

"You're saying okay, but you don't look okay," Riku says, "What is it?" 

Sora shakes his head. "Nothing it's just—" Sora grasps for some way to explain himself that isn't admitting his feelings. He certainly can't do that. Not now. Not when Riku's made it so clear that he wouldn't return them. "What about the munny?" 

"Sora," Riku says, "this last week was a mess. Do you really think we can get through another four months of this? Isn't our friendship more important than munny?" 

Sora nods. It's true. Riku's friendship is the thing he cherishes most in the entire world, and he was about to ruin it all by telling Riku how he feels. Now he feels like an idiot. "Yeah," he says, carefully, "you're right." 

"Yeah," Riku says, grinning, "I am." 

Sora tries to grin back, but he can't quite bring himself to.  "Should we go back in there?" he asks, instead, "And tell Ienzo?" 

Riku shrugs. "We'll let him know in an email. I want to get back." He walks toward the steps up to the front door of the building and pauses when he realizes Sora hasn't followed him. "You coming?" 

"You go on ahead," Sora says. He tries to come up with a reason to not follow that isn't the truth, that isn't just that his hearts broken, but it's been a second too long before he opens his mouth again, and Riku is already speaking. 

"Okay," he says, and there's a question in his voice and his eyes, but he doesn't ask it out loud. "I'll see you when you get home?" 

Sora doesn't meet Riku's eye when he nods.

#

Roxas and Axel are surprised to stumble on Sora outside Traverse Hall. Sora can tell because Roxas looks concerned and Axel looks confused, and then Roxas says, "Hey, Sora. Everything okay?" 

"Not really," Sora admits. He hasn't figured out how much he wants to tell them yet, but he knows he has to at least explain that he and Riku are not together and never really were. He feels bad about lying to them, but he doesn't think Roxas or Axel will hold it against him. They're nice like that. 

"What happened?" Roxas asks, "Was it the reason you guys cut your session early." 

Sora nods and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Yeah," he says, "I— Riku and I aren't together." 

"You guys broke up?" Roxas asks. He shares a look with Axel and then looks back at Sora. "Are you okay? Do you want to come back with us?" 

"I'd like that, actually," Sora admits. It's been a while since he's spent quality time with his cousin, and he figures this way he can at least wait until they're inside, sitting somewhere warm, to break the news to them. To admit that the lying was all his idea, not Riku's, and that it's because he was a selfish idiot crushing on his best friend who doesn't like him back. Who probably never will. 

Sora follows as Roxas and Axel walk toward their house. They take a different path through campus than Sora and Riku normally do. He and Riku aren't going to be walking back from these sessions together anymore, though, and something about that is almost more sad than the end of the sessions themselves. It's not like he won't see Riku ever again— after all, they live together— but he finds himself finding the whole thing unfair.

Roxas' hand on his shoulder breaks Sora out of his thoughts. "Hey," he says, "whatever happened I'm sure you two can work it out." 

"Maybe," Sora says vaguely. 

"If it were nicer out we could stop for ice cream on the way back to cheer you up," Axel says. "Hey, do you want me to pour acid on him next week? I have access to that kind of stuff in my research lab." 

Sora blinks. "No!" 

Axel shrugs. "Figured I'd offer." 

"Don't worry, that wasn't a serious offer," Roxas assures Sora. "Axel gets sad over the rats in the biology research labs. He'd never hurt a fly with his chemicals." 

"Hey," Axel says, "what they do to those rats is fucked up. It's practically black magic, I don't know what god they're sacrificing the rats to, but I don't trust it." 

Roxas and Axel break off into light discussion. Sora tries to pay attention if only to distract himself, but his thoughts keep coming back to Riku. Eventually, he'll have to go home and face him. He's not entirely convinced that he'll be able to keep it together when that time comes. Riku will likely ask him why he's so upset because he knows Sora too well for both their own goods and then Sora will have to come up with an excuse. 

When they reach the house that Roxas and Axel live in, Sora finds himself in Roxas' room. He lies on Roxas' bed, and Roxas sits at his own desk. Axel had excused himself. 

"You guys having a party here later?" Sora asks. 

"Not tonight," Roxas says, "but we may have something going on tomorrow night if you want to stop by." 

Sora nods, and then because he doesn't want to drag out the inevitable, he sits up. "Roxas, there's something I should tell you." 

Roxas looks mildly concerned, but he doesn't say anything. He simply waits. 

"Earlier, when I said that Riku and I aren't together, I didn't mean that we broke up, I meant— Well, we never together in the first place." 

"What?" He asks. He doesn't seem _angry_ , but he doesn't seem happy about this either. He looks shocked, actually, and he shakes his head. "That doesn't make any sense. Why did you—" 

"It's my fault," Sora says, "Riku didn't want to lie to you guys, but I just wanted—" Well, he had told Riku he'd wanted the munny. He hadn't wanted Roxas and Axel to potentially tell Ienzo the truth… because of the munny. "I just wanted to know what it would be like if we were." It's the first time he's said it out loud. Kairi might know that much was true from the get-go, but Sora hadn't needed to tell her, she'd figured it out on her own and Sora had denied it. He'd claimed he would be able to handle his feelings, to keep them in check, but—

Well, his feelings haven't been in check. He doesn't think they ever were. 

"Sora," Roxas says, "no offense, but what the hell?" 

Sora falls back onto the bed and shoves one of Roxas' pillows over his face. "I'm an idiot," he says into the pillow, which muffles the words into an incoherent mumbling. 

The pillow disappears, and then Roxas is standing over him. "Does Riku know that's what was going on?" 

Sora, rather than replying to the question, rolls onto his side to avoid Roxas' pointed stare. Sora really likes his cousin, but he doesn't want to be scolded even if he probably deserves it. "Can you just yell at me for lying to you and get it over with?" he asks. 

The floor creaks as Roxas walks across the room, back to his desk. 

"I'm not upset about that," Roxas says, "I mean I think you're probably stupid for doing it, but I also get why." 

"You do?" Sora asks, sitting up once more to look at his cousin. 

Roxas nods. "You like him." 

Sora frowns. He doesn't deny it; doesn't even try. "How did you know?" 

"Well, you just said that you wanted to know what it was like if you were dating him." Roxas pauses. Sora thinks that's it, but then he says, "Plus, you constantly talk about him, you look at him like he's the center of the universe whenever you're in the same room, and I don't think I've ever heard of you being interested in anyone else in all the years you've known him." 

Sora rubs the back of his neck. There was whatever happened with Kairi in high school, but even that had felt wrong at the time. Even then he'd been wishing Riku wasn't so far away from him. Now Riku isn't far away from, but Sora doesn't seem to be allowed to have him anyway. Riku is his best friend, though, shouldn't that be enough? 

"Do you think Riku knows?" Sora asks. 

"I don't think you'd be wallowing on my bed right now if he did," Roxas says. 

Sora thinks he gets what Roxas is saying. He's just not entirely sure he's convinced. 

That must show on his face because Roxas says, "Maybe you should tell him what you told me. About why you pulled him into the study and pretended to be a couple in front of half the people you know?" 

"More than half," Sora says because the only person who knew the truth outside of himself and Riku was Kairi.  He shakes his head though, at Roxas' suggestion. "I was going to but I can't now. He basically said that he wasn't interested in continuing it because he didn't want to ruin our friendship. If fake dating made him feel like that, what will he think if I tell him the truth?" 

Roxas pulls his eyebrows together. After a moment, his face relaxes, and he shrugs. "If you don't want to tell him how you feel, maybe you could ask how he feels." 

#

It seems so obvious after Roxas points it out to him. He wonders why he hasn't thought of it himself. He practices the question over and over in his head on his walk back to the apartment from Roxas', and he prepares himself for the worst but— but maybe he doesn't need to. It's that sliver of hope that keeps him from turning around.

When Sora returns, Riku's sitting on the couch. "You're home," he says. 

"I'm home," Sora replies.

"Are you still upset about—" 

Sora shakes his head. "No," he says, cutting Riku off. "It's fine. You're right, it was a stupid idea to begin with." 

"You never got the chance to tell me what it was you wanted to say earlier," Riku says, "before..." He cuts off, leaving the statement open. 

Sora's not sure how to refer to what happened earlier, either. It's not an actual break-up like Axel and Roxas had first assumed, even if it had felt like it. Riku probably doesn't think that it did, but then Sora isn't quite sure what Riku thinks. He'd tried Kairi's advice, he'd tried paying attention to how Riku looks at him, and that had gotten him nowhere and, in fact, brought them steps backwards from where Sora wishes they were. 

He wants Riku to be more than just a friend. 

He walks over to where Riku sits on the couch and takes a seat next to him. He's careful not to sit close enough that their thighs touch. He needs the space between them, to remind him of what they are and what they aren't. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Shoot," Riku says. 

"We're best friends, right?" 

Riku looks surprised by the question. "Obviously," he says, "who else would put up with you?' 

"Hey!" Sora protests, but he's grinning, and Riku's grinning back. Sora wants to kiss him. The thought crosses his mind without hesitation, and for a moment, it doesn't even feel like it would be that big of a deal if he did. He realizes how deep he's in this already. There's no coming back whether he admits the feelings aloud or not.

"Is that it?" Riku asks. "You leave me worried about you for hours, and then you come in here and ask me whether we're best friends?' 

Sora shakes his head. "There's something else," he says.  He feels like he's looking down into a ravine and he's about to step off the ledge. 

Riku's expression shifts. His eyes are soft with concern and the question about where this is all going lingers on his face. 

"Riku," Sora asks, "Do you have feelings for me?" 

Riku's eyes dart away from Sora's, and his hands on his lap ball into fists. 

"Riku, I—" Sora starts about to clarify, but Riku cuts him off. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

Sora shuts his mouth. He wants to take the question back, he's glad he didn't say any more because he'd want to take the words back too. There'd be no coming back from admitting how he feels, not when Riku doesn't feel the same. Not when Riku's apologizing because he knows— he must know— and the feeling is unreturned. Sora should have known Riku would break his heart. Sora wants to say something else, to try to appear normal even as his heart shatters in his chest, but as he works up the ability to say anything Riku stands up and walks into his bedroom, shutting the door closed behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> check out the [fic soundtrack](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd-iyXlnhztJ7xHSi9a674No2nEnIUwE0)!
> 
> * * *
> 
> im [@keishn_](https://twitter.com/keishn_) on twitter, come be friends with me!


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